


Creepy Potter

by Piff



Series: Harry Potter and the Cursed Children [1]
Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Murder Children, Brotherly Love and Agression, Dark Harry Potter, Did I mention casual violence?, Eventually he goes to Hogwarts, Gen, Gore, Gratutitous Violence, Harry grows up with the Creepy Pastas, Jeff curses a LOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piff/pseuds/Piff
Summary: The Creepy Pastas are in England, though Slender Man isn't saying why. While out looking for something fun to do, Jeff the Killer finds himself lured to the most boring house he's ever seen. Not only is he allowed to keep his new pet, but Harry Potter is adopted into Slender Man's herd of Angry Murder Children as the littlest proxy named 'Boy'.Slices of family life combined with a few years at Hogwarts... what could go wrong?





	1. Foundling

“Th' fuck you looking at?”

“You've got some sort of growth..”

Jeff slapped the back of BEN's head as he passed him, making the glitch-elf squawk.

“Mind your own fucking business Blondie.”

The tiny, filthy boy riding on Jeff's shoulders giggled. It was the faintest of sounds, hardly more than a breath.

Jeff the Killer wove his way through the camp, snatching a waffle from this boy and a scarf from that one. He left a trail of chaos unlike any the little passenger had seen before. There was yelling, but it wasn't angry, not really. Threats, but lazy ones as no one moved to act on them. Most of them were grouped around a huge fire-pit, tents popped up in a vague circle. There was a caravan on the edge of the campsite and that's where Jeff was taking his parasite.

“Slender! You in?” Jeff banged a fist on the creaky door, startling the smaller boy but he just clutched Jeff's head tighter with his non-waffle holding hand and hid his face in the green scarf.

The door slowly swung open and the inside was an inky blackness that the firelight couldn't penetrate. There was a static-like sound and a feeling of dread.

Jeff lifted the boy from his shoulders and offered him to the darkness.

“Brought ya a souvenir.”

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

“How original.”

“Like you can say something, _Eyeless Jack.”_

Jeff sprawled on his back, his tiny passenger now laid across his chest. The itty bitty boy breathed slowly and quietly in a deep sleep.

“Eyeless is a descriptor to the name Jack, therefore still a better name than “Boy”.”

“Fuck you. I might as well call him Green-Eyed Jack.”

Eyeless snorted, causing his blue mask to bob minutely. He poked at the boy, barely more than a toddler but so small even for that age that he fit comfortably across Jeff's narrow chest.

“I'm still confused why he's here.”

“Slendy likes him.”

“Before that. You don't like anyone and now you have a baby.”

“. . .”

“What was that?”

“He fucking _called_ me to him, ok? I was walking along and minding my own business looking for someone to kill, when suddenly I HAD to go three miles in the opposite fucking direction and kill specific people in a specific house. I knew what they looked like before I even got there. And then he was just sitting there curled up in a closet and waiting for me. I brought him back cause I could all but taste the black magic on him, and Slendy likes the cursed kids. Now he's attached to me like some sort of cancerous baby duck and Slendy says I have to keep an eye on him. Slendy really, really likes him by the way.”

Eyeless cocked his head to one side. All through the rant the baby had hardly twitched. The process of becoming a proxy really took it out of you.

“….a cancerous baby duck still needs a name.”

“Just for that, I'm naming him Duck.”

“Real mature Jeff.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Jeff threw an arm over his eyes, grumbling. He was tired. He'd been up all night running around looking for a victim, had a really nice time with three of them, and then had to trot all the way back home with a parasitic duckling to talk to Slendy. He was tired.

He snapped his teeth irritably as Eyeless patted him on the head mockingly. The campsite was quieting down as the rest of the proxies bundled up in their sleeping bags. Or.. whatever they slept in.

“Slender found a place to stay, by the way. We're moving out of here tomorrow.” 

“Thank fucking god.”

“I really hope 'Boy' doesn't pick up your foul mouth.”

“No fucking chance.”

Eyeless chuckled and flopped down on the other side of the tent. He wouldn't sleep, not really, but he'd go silent and still and wait for the sun to set. Daylight was harsh and damning, the Slender Man and his proxies were creatures of the night and liked it that way.

Jeff woke to small fingers wandering across the scars on his face.

He growled, swatting them away. Lifting his arm from his eyes he peered down at the parasite. The tiny boy stared back at him. He still had one eye of a bright, poisonous green, but after Slender had fiddled with the curse on him, the other eye had turned a bloody red. The little scar Jeff hadn't noticed but Slender had admired, was now much larger- the bottom line cutting through the boy's eyebrow, past his red eye, and halfway down his cheek.

Cute.

Jeff wrinkled his almost non-existent nose at him.

The kid stank to high heaven. Funny how Jeff hadn’t noticed this last night.

“Right. Off.”

The toddler rolled off of Jeff's chest, making the plastic flooring rustle as he sat there with a worried look.

Eyeless was gone, but his backpack was sitting there all alone and unprotected and Jeff promptly raided it for a mostly clean t-shirt. Picking up Boy by the back of his current outfit, he carried the boy out of the tent.

A few proxies were up too, starting a new fire and poking through food supplies. “Oi, we got any spare jugs of water?”

Toby clutched a box of waffles to his chest suspiciously. “There's a stream on the other side of the road.”

Jeff held Boy up higher. “He'll fucking freeze to death you prick.”

Toby shrugged, shoving a frozen waffle into his mouth. After glaring at him for a moment, Jeff stomped off.  
“Fucking useless.”

“Fuck?” little legs kicking in the air.

“Damn right.”

Two proxies, one pot, and bundle of firewood later…

“Are you making dinner?”

Jeff's parasite was sitting in a giant pot of hot water with half a bottle of dish-soap poured over his head. It was, thankfully, no longer on the fire.

“Fuck off.”

“Seems a little undercooked.”

“Ha ha. Funny fucker aren’t you?”

Toby, waffle-free by now, grinned.

“Liu is looking for you. He doesn't believe me that you adopted a baby.”

“I didn't fucking adopt a fucking baby. I'm keeping a fucking eye on him for Slender. You wanna be stuck in a car all day with that stink?”

“Fuck,” very solemnly from the pot.

Toby cackled. “I like this kid.”

“Good. Make sure no one eats him.” The brat was as clean as Jeff could get him. Hauling him out of the pot, Jeff used a ragged towel to dry off the toddler. Eyeless' shirt was big enough to be a dress, but not like Jeff had clothes that small just laying around.

Boy was kinda cute, especially with the big scar and scarlet eye. His hair was dark and curly, and if you looked past the bruises, he wasn't missing anything important or otherwise mutilated.

“Who knew it took one big eyed baby to make you so nice?” Toby reached down to pinch a tiny cheek, grinning under his mouth-guard.

_“I am not fucking nice you fucking idiot.”_

Nonetheless, he tucked the toddler under an arm and carried him off like a sack of potatoes. It was a bit worrying to him actually- he really really didn't like kids. But Slender told him that boy had metaphysically attached himself to Jeff, and since Jeff wasn't allowed to kill any of the proxies.. it shouldn't matter should it?

Fucker.

Passing by the fire-pit where breakfast was being served, Jeff dropped the Boy onto Eyeless' lap.

“Watch this.”

“This is my shirt.”

“Eh.”


	2. Moving Day

It was an honest-to-god castle, an abandoned castle that was falling apart, but still a real castle with a tower and everything. No moat though, to BEN’s relief.

Someone gave a low whistle.

There actually might be something good to this vacation in Britain.

Boy sitting on his shoulders again, Jeff elbowed Liu. “Think there's a dungeon?”

His brother shrugged. Scarf reclaimed, it was loosely wrapped around his neck and the lower half of his face.

“Bet the roof leaks,” BEN muttered on the other side of Jeff with a grumpy frown. Not being able to count on having power, he was stuck in the physical world for now.

“Don't worry Glitch, we'll have the generator and internet up and running soon enough for you to go rampaging.” Toby leaned on the small elf playfully, ruffling his hair.

Smiledog was already scent-marking a stone planter filled with dead leaves and dirt.

The rest of the night was spent emptying the cars and choosing rooms. Roughly half the castle was in pieces, but that left the other half in fairly good condition. There was even a dungeon. Well, a basement. Totally a dungeon though if you squinted.

Boy, aka Duck, aka Green-Eyed Jack and any other name the proxies came up with, stayed quiet as Jeff roamed around with the occasional box or duffle bag. He wasn't particularly heavy so Jeff wasn't too bothered by the little parasite.

Liu thought the boy was about three. Boy didn't know his name, and wasn't very verbal, but he was potty-trained and understood a great deal said to him. By size alone he could have been two, but three was a safe bet.

“Hey! We're gonna go torch the camp, wanna come?”

Toby wiggled his fingers at the smallest proxy as Jeff considered it. The boy waved back shyly.

“...yeah, might as well. Eyeless got all the kidneys?”

“Course, before we even left. They're in that blue cooler he was dragging around. Gonna bring the brat?”

“Fuck yeah. Who doesn't like a good bonfire? We just gotta make a quick stop somewhere.”

Boy nodded eagerly. If Jeff thought it was cool, then it was cool.

It was very cool. The bodies not being used for dinner were piled up with the stuff no one wanted. Everything from lighter fluid, to vodka, to gasoline thoroughly soaked each item for maximum heat.

The boys knew what they had been doing when looking for a campsite. No one would care if a handful of homeless vagrants vanished. “Vanished” with giant scorch marks but who cared at the end of things?

Toby even brought marshmallows.

He jammed one on the end of a stick for Boy and planted him a short distance from the roaring inferno. “Don't get closer unless you wanna look like Jeff.”

“Jeff?”

“Yeah, he's fucking ugly. So stay here.”

Jeff flipped him off from the other side of the pit. He was very carefully explaining to Laughing Jack _exactly_ what would happen if the clown tried to eat the brat, in excruciating detail. Toby was a little weirded out by how interested L.J. looked. If Slender said the brat was a proxy, then he was a proxy and no one would touch him. If this was their version of foreplay…

Toby shuddered.

He patted the toddler on the head absently. They hadn't had a child in the group since Sally had been re-homed with Splendor before leaving for England. This would be fun!

Now if they could just go home..

God he hated this place. It was always raining, it smelled funny, and the people talked weird.

But that was up to Slender Man.

Toby glared at the bonfire breathing in deep the smell of burning flesh. He looked around the abandoned camp for anything interesting they might have missed. Feeling his coat being tugged on he looked back down at the brat.

“Nah you eat it. I like mine a little more burnt.”

Crouching down he decided to give the new kid a closer look. They'd robbed a house on their way to the camp, Boy wore something better than a simple t-shirt now.

Toby was preeeeetty sure the coat hadn't been red though. It was red now, the exact color of fresh blood, but it hadn't been a few hours ago. He distinctly remembered it being an eye-searing green.

Matched the red eye now, which was awesome, made the kid look demonic.

“What say you and I liven this party up a bit... Ever play with firecrackers?”

By the time the group made it back to their new home, they were bit… scorched. And angry. And sulking, what with having his babysitting privileges being revoked after _one hour._

“A new fucking record, congratulations fuckwit.”

Boy was okay though, sleeping against Jeff’s shoulder in happy exhaustion.

That had been amazing. He loved firecrackers!

“Awww, look at him all sweet and drooly like a dead puppy. Need a hand Jeffy?”

“Only if you want me to fucking remove it.”

The clown pouted as he followed Jeff up to the door.

Liu rolled his eyes so hard Eyeless was pretty sure they almost fell out. The brothers didn't have the best of relationships to begin with but seeing Jeff coddle the little boy seemed to be putting Liu more on the edge than usual.

Eyeless nudged him, tilting his head a bit as Liu looked at him.

“Forget it.” The taller brother slammed the car door shut and slouched off to the castle, hands deep in his coat pockets.

Eyeless sighed. He grabbed Toby by his collar and hauled him along. Dawn was coming, time for bed for little murderous proxies.

. . .why did he suddenly feel like the den mother to a bunch of unruly brats?

BEN was becoming one with the TV in the new game room, waving absently from his nest of cords and flashlights. Where he was getting the electricity to make all this junk run, Eyeless didn't know. ...And didn't want to ask.

“WHOO! MOVIE TIME! Urk!” Almost garroted by his own shirt under Eyeless' hand, Toby was yanked backwards and down the hall.

“Awww...”

“You're grounded.”

The first door past the stairs was Toby's room, more of a closet than a room but he'd been the one to pick it. Eyeless threw him inside and slammed the door shut.

There was an aura of simmering aggression wafting off of Liu's closed door, so Eyeless left him alone. Poking his head in here and there, everyone seemed to be present and accounted for.. so Eyeless headed for his own claimed space at the back.

His and Jeff's actually, since Jeff got twitchy if he had to sleep alone without anyone to guard his back. And probably the new kid too if Slender was that adamant about Jeff keeping an eye on the brat.

...yup. The new proxy was passed out on a couch cushion between the sleeping bags, Jeff nowhere in sight. And if Eyeless wasn't mistaken, he had once again lost a shirt to the brat for sleepwear.

“I've got to start putting booby-traps in my bags.” 

Resigned to the fate his clothes, Eyeless took off his mask and rubbed his face.

“Let's just hope you don't have nightmares.”

By the time Jeff got back with damp hair and chattering teeth, Eyeless was stretched out on his sleeping bag with his hands under his head. He was wearing, if it was of any interest, clothes he'd stolen from Jeff's bags. Pretty comfy they were.

“We need to come up with some real lights for this fucking pile of rocks. The fucking flashlight died just as I got upstairs. And I'm tired of stealing batteries all the fucking time.”

“Ben is setting up in the big room by the entrance. He'll think of something.”

“Thank fucking Christ. ...why are you wearing my clothes?”

“Felt like continuing the theme. You understand.”

Jeff growled.

“Don't wake the baby, he'll probably cry. Then how will you feel?”

“Fuck the baby!”

“I'm not that perverted.”

“That-!”

Before the two could start actually fighting, Boy made a little squeaky sound before burrowing further into his blanket. Jeff hesitated, and seeing Eyeless smirk at him, he glared back.

“Don't. Say. A fucking. Word.”

“What? Like 'whipped'?”

The pair were nice enough to keep away from the sleeping bags, though they still woke Boy up with their fistfight and cursing. He watched with wide eyes as they wrestled, only stopping when one had a bloody nose and the other a sliced up hand.

“Softy.”

“Bitch.”

Shirt pressed up against his nose, Jeff shoved at Boy's shoulder to make him lay back down. “Go the fuck to sleep.”

Lapping at his bleeding hand, Eyeless snickered and turned off the little electric lamp.


	3. A is for Asphyxiation

Education for the littlest proxy, the stuff that one typically learned in school, was a bit touch and go. Considering he lived with eight teenage terrors and one mythological horror figure.. It actually wasn’t that bad. 

Especially when BEN took over the bulk of the work. Had surprised the hell out of everyone else, but he had the best teaching tool in the world- video games. He could cover math, history, most sciences, some geography, and even literature in a variety of combinations depending on the game. And tons of human psychology. Not every day mind you, no one had patience for that, but often enough to make things stick.

Sure, they were mostly horror games and MMO’s but knowledge was knowledge right?

Boy learned how to count skill points, keep track of quests, read maps and how to respond to audio cues. History was, sadly, mostly focused on WW2 combat but it was better than nothing. (More from lack of interest than a lack of historical games.)

He knew the basics of coding, how to read between the lines of a backstory, and how to work the trade forums to get tons of money saved up for that super rare and shiny collectible. Boy even learned how electricity worked, how many times to kick a generator before trying to actually fix it, and what wires NOT to touch with your bare hands.

But before all that could even begin... it was Masky who taught him how to read. 

In the middle of a forest.

In the dead of night.

Using sigils that made the edges of his vision go crackly. 

(Slender Man put a stop to that part pretty fast actually- Boy needed to learn to read English, not Eldritch.)

It was a lot of fun though and it worked pretty well when the only way to get home was by reading. What more could an adventurous tyke ask for?

Boy examined the paper pinned to a tree and traced the letters slowly with a finger. It was cold and very, very quiet tonight. All the little birds were asleep in the trees and if the occasional deer walked by and scared him half to death, that was the price Boy paid for his lessons.

Not like his brothers would let anything hurt him. Badly.

“Tee… ache.. eye… ess… This way!” Boy followed the arrow, stepping around the tree and sweeping his flashlight this way and that. It would be awful if he missed the next note.. But there it was, at exactly his eye level for a change!

“T..urn… rigg...t. Rigg-t? Oh, right! Stupid g.” 

Boy carefully stuck out his right hand and then turned to face it. It was important to make sure he was going exactly as the notes said. He could still faintly see the marked R on the back of his hand. So he needed to go between the two big trees… he had this. 

Those cookies were going to be delicious. Breakfast had been hours ago.

“Turn…” The five year old stared at the note blankly. It had a mass of black squiggles across the top that looked like it might have been Slender Man. Hoody was really, really bad at drawing. 

“Turn…” THAT word was easy enough he’d been finding it all night. “Arr..oh...unn..d. Arr oh und. Arrowund. Around!”

Boy looked back over his shoulder. ...nothing was there. He frowned and looked over the note a second time just in case.

“Turn.. around..?”

He obediently turned his whole body this time and shrieked at finding someone WAS right behind him with their white mask looming inches from his face. Masky caught his hand before the metal flashlight could thwack him in the head.

“Jumpy aren’t you?” the older boy snickered.

“That was mean!”

“No, that was funny,” Masky corrected as he picked Boy up by the armpits, giving him a good shake. “Congratulations! You won! Cookies for dinner!”

Boy kicked at him irritably even as he wrapped his arms around Masky’s neck. “Was mean,” he muttered a second time.

Masky patted him on the back and smirked. “Come on then. Let’s find Hoody and then we can go home. Your fingers are like ice.”

Boy was used to being carted around by the bigger proxies, who seemed unable to help themselves from treating him like some sort of pet. But he wasn’t going to be little forever, soon he’d be older and taller and stronger and they would have to stop treating him like a baby.

So there!

Boy pressed his face into Masky’s neck to soak in warmth and resisted the urge to bite him. Now he could tell the other proxies he could read AND follow directions, so he was perfectly capable of playing games with them. He should even get his own weapon now!

Hoody was easy to find, he’d been collecting all the papers behind Boy and was only a few seconds away. “Is Rosemary’s baby tired already? We’ve only been out here a couple hours. Wimp.”

“Your pictures suck!” Boy knew he was whining but didn’t care.

Hoody gasped, clutching the papers to his chest. “How DARE you! These are works of art, you little heathen. Lucifer would be turning in his pit to hear you say such things.”

Masky shook his head and walked away. Of course this meant the miniature Proxy  
came along and that in turn brought Hoody as the two bickered more and more childishly. Boy at least had the excuse of being small child.

It was a long, long walk home.

Boy had never been so glad to see the Castle in his life, his belly had been growling for the last hour. Eyeless would have packed snacks but Masky swore up and down it would help Boy learn to read faster with proper motivation.

Masky sucked. Unlike Jeff, who was awesome.

Lifting his head from the proxy’s shoulder Boy made grabby-hands at scarred teen waiting for them in a white hoodie. “Jeff! We’re back! I’m hungry!”

“What do you want me to fucking do about it?” but reached out to take him anyways.

Masky was happy to hand the boy over, shaking out his tired arms. “I promised him cookies for dinner, that’s what you can do. He’s all yours now, I’m going to go have a shower and go to bed.”

Hoody followed Masky inside, but walking backwards. He gestured a pair of fingers at his face and then pointed them at Boy. “I’m watching you punk! Just try to insult my art again!”

Boy stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at the implied threat. Looking up at Jeff.. “Cookies?”

“Eyeless would eat my fucking kidneys if I let you have cookies for dinner. Eat a damn sandwich first.” He hefted Boy higher in the air and settled him on his shoulders. Boy knew better than to grab Jeff’s hair and put his hands against Jeff’s forehead. He ducked the low doorway arches.

“I can read now!”

“Ahuh.”

“And I followed directions!”

“Ahuh.”

“I wanna play hide n seek next time!”

“Fuck no. You still trip going up the fucking stairs. I’m not trusting you on the damn roof.”

“Aww…”


	4. Tattletails

Liu craned Boy's head this way and that way, having pried his mouth open to look at his bloodied teeth. His expression was mildly irritated, but then Liu always looked like that.

“Doesn't look too bad. He may be bleeding like a pig, but he’s only missing a couple in front. You’re just lucky it was his baby teeth.”

Shaking his head free of the grip, Boy grinned gruesomely. There were a few more gaps now in his smile, and his nose was already swelling up under a pair of black eyes, but the seven year old wasn't too concerned. When Jeff got home, the elder proxy was going to have a _fit_. It was going to be awesome!

Masky rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I just wanted to be sure. I didn't think it'd hit him that hard.”

“You threw a rock at his head.”

“It wasn't a rock, it was a.. He was supposed to duck.”

Liu scoffed. He stood up from his crouch and stuck his hands in his pockets. “You threw a rock at his head and broke his face.”

“Who has a broken face?”

Toby leaned over the back of the couch and whistled at the sight of Boy. “Why do you guys always leave me out of the fun?”

“Mathgy threw a rog ad me!”

“Awww. Duck faster. Ohey, brought something back for you.” Ignoring the others, Toby dug around in his coat. He pulled out a roundish purple toy with big eyes. “You might get a kick out of this. They call Furbies Tattletails here, little robots that talk.”

Boy held his hands out for the toy and petted the soft fur. “Gool!”

“Yeah just give it to Ben for a while, think it needs charging. Ben! Ben! Benny! Come hold the Tattletail!”

“I am not a charging station!” The elf didn't even look up from the TV. He was on the last lap of Mario Kart and didn't need a distraction.

“Come on Benny, it's just a little Furby.” Toby hopped over the back of the couch to bounce on the cushions, nearly throwing Boy to the floor if Liu hadn’t been there to steady him.

“Oh my god Toby shut up.”

“Welp, if that’s it, I'll leave you guys to watch the itty bitty baby. I'm off to go… hide. See you in a few days.” Masky decided now was a good time to leave while he was still alive. Jeff was.. just a little bit.. over protective sometimes. Ask Toby about the time he’d dropped Boy off the castle roof. 

Liu rolled his eyes and wandered back to his chair over by the window. He’d been reading about known cannibalistic criminals before Masky had hauled in the baby proxy drenched in blood, which was oddly fitting when you thought about it. Toby trotted off to do whatever it was Toby’s did.

Pouting at the sudden desertion, Boy looked down at his purple toy, and then down at BEN sitting on the floor. BEN glanced up at him suspiciously.

“No.”

Boy slid off the couch to sit next to him, trying to make his mismatched eyes as big as possible.

“You are so not that cute.”

As the night sky started to threaten the castle with dawn, Boy trotted off to bed with his fully charged Tattletail. He set it on the wooden dresser happily.

“Tattletail, thaaaat's me!” it giggled.

Boy giggled back and changed into his pajamas. His face was already almost completely healed, though there wasn’t anything to be done about the missing teeth.

Dinner had been great, Tattletail’s constant chatter had made Jeff's eye develop a tic. BEN had tried to fry the robot, deeply regretting letting it charge, but Boy had ducked under the table. Masky hadn't even bothered to show up for some reason..

Boy wasn't allowed to sleep on his own, not since last year when the Boogeyman had tried to eat him, so he still slept wedged between Eyeless and Jeff. Unless Jeff was sleeping in Laughing Jack's room. Or if Boy camped out in the living room with BEN for a movie marathon of gore.

Actually.. on second thought, Boy grabbed the Tattletail and put him in the closet to muffle the chatter. He wanted to keep his new toy, not lose it to a hammer.

"AHH! Dark!"

Boy opened the door.

"Tattletail, thaaat's me!"

He closed it.

"AHH! Me scared!"

Huh.

He opened the door and grabbed the toy.

"Me love you!"

Boy was going to need to find a better hiding spot if it was going to start yelling like that. Like.. upstairs. The second floor was more crumbly and falling apart, so no one went up there except for games of Tag and Keep-Away. Since the sun hadn't actually risen yet, Boy grabbed a flashlight too.

He'd have to be quick if he didn’t want anyone to know.

Boy listened for anyone in the hall, and peeked out of the room to make sure. He tiptoed past the other doors, bare feet not making a sound, until he got to the stairs. He'd have to keep an eye out for loose stones and flooring but everything was ok.

"Brrrrrrush me! Brrrrush me!"

"Shut up you stupid robot!" Boy hissed. He roughly ran his nails over the fur, making sure to hit the little sensory markers.

The second floor, on this side of the castle, was another hallway with rooms to either side. But the rooms against the outer wall were mostly gaping holes with bits of wall and ceiling. The inside row was less damaged, but still missing pieces of wall and all the doors. 

_"The children thought that Mama would never find them as long as she couldn't see them. Turn the page."_

Boy paused at the woman's voice. It was oddly scratchy and mechanical. Pursing his lips, he re-considered his options. The Boogeyman had not been fun to deal with.

_"But Mama could still hear the children. The pitter-patter of their little feet lead Mama right to them. Turn the page."_

Boy looked down at his bare feet for a moment. When he raised his head, just out of range of his flashlight down the hall was a pair of tiny red lights. Eyes.

_"Then Mama found the children, every last one, and put them right back to bed."_

Nope. Boy chucked his Tattletail in the direction of the voice and red eyes and sprinted back down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs he ran headfirst into Liu, knocking the older boy off his feet and sending both of them to the hard ground. Handgun appearing almost by magic in Liu’s hand, he thwapped Boy on the head with it none too gently.

“What the hell?”

“There's a fucking monster on the second floor!”

'Yeah.. alright. Go get Toby from his room. I’ll get the others.”

Boy scrambled to his feet and ran off to pound on the poster-covered door. “TOBY! THERE'S A MONSTER UPSTAIRS!”

Toby opened the door quickly.

“Cool! Let's go see it!”

So instead of sleeping the day away like respectable teenagers, the boys played Hide and Seek with a murder machine filled with pointy teeth. Masky was the one to finally take her down, it was almost noon and they really did need to sleep sometime.

They collected all the scattered pieces to give to BEN, he liked to play with weird electronics.


	5. Home Cooking

“It depends on what you’re looking to get out of it,” Eyeless explained one night as they made dinner together. Boy wasn’t exactly on rotation yet but he liked to help when he could.

The nine-year old still had to use a footstool to reach the back of the stove, where he was stirring the soup and making sure the food didn’t burn. Eyeless was chopping up some onions to flavor his kidneys as they simmered nearby.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, look at me for one. I kill mainly because I have to eat. I look for healthy prey and kill them quickly to keep the damage to a minimum, which then means it’s usually painless unless I really want them to feel it.”

“Ok…”

“Then you have the Slender-Twins. Killing is a product of the hunt, but not the main goal. The longer they can draw out the stalking and the chasing, the happier they are. Death is inevitable but it’s the journey that matters more.”

“That’s why they hunt with Slender Man? With the signs?”

“Exactly. Masky and Hoody are Slender Man’s first proxies so they’re more like him then the rest of us. They feed off the emotions of the prey until it’s been driven completely insane.” Eyeless scooped up the onions and added them to the pan where they sizzled quietly. “Keep poking those, lemme know when they’re all brown. Not black. Black is bad.”

Boy stared hard at the pan. There would be no burning on HIS watch, especially when it was for Eyeless.

Eyeless picked up the conversation again easily. “Now Jeff, he’s all about the killing itself. He prefers not to have a long chase but to get right down to bloody business and make a mess that’s nearly impossible to cover up. Which is why Slender Man chooses prey that’s really far away for him and Toby since they don’t care who they kill.”

“What does Toby like do?”

“Toby just likes chaos. He prefers to use his hatchets for the kill, sometimes stalking sometimes ambushing, and then he’ll either set everything on fire like the little pyro he is, or use a bomb. Keeping an eye on the pan?”

“I think the onions are brown.” Boy narrowed his eyes at the pan. Yeah, they were brown. Light brown. It smelled really, really good and he didn’t even like onions.

“Alright, give me that.” Eyeless took the pan off the stove and using a spoon he carefully separated out the kidneys into a bowl, covering them to keep them warm. The onions he then added to the giant pot of soup at the back of the stove.

“I don’t think Liu likes messes or chaos.”

“No. Liu and Laughing Jack are in a completely different category. They don’t hunt for food, or the chase, or the blood, what they have are ‘triggers’.”

Boy moved his footstool over the counter. “What do I do now? And what’s a trigger?”

“Mmm...I think that’s it for now. I don’t want you playing with the oven so get out the spoons and glasses. Triggers are.. something that makes you react suddenly. Liu and L.J. only kill after very specific circumstances. Laughing Jack when he tries to make friends, and Liu when.. Ahh.. well Liu is a complicated mess.” 

“And that’s why…?”

“Yeah. But it’s ok, L.J. won’t hurt you as long as you remember to never, ever accept candy from him.”

“Cause it’s fucking poisoned.”

“Right. And other than that, just accepting the candy would force him to kill you. That’s his main trigger, which is a shame since he actually likes little brats like you. And Slenderman would kill him because you’re the baby of the family and spoiled.” 

Eyeless scruffed Boy’s shaggy curls as he passed behind him with a hot tray.. For the people that could eat them, there were homemade biscuits to go with the soup. Lucky bastards.

“Liu doesn’t like me and Jeff when we’re together.” Though Liu was ok to hang out with when Jeff wasn’t around which was odd.

“Liu and Jeff have problems. A lot of problems. And you look way too much like Jeff, especially with that hoodie and shaggy mop of yours. You need a haircut.”

“Nuh uh! I like it long dammit!”

Just in case Eyeless got ideas with all the sharp knives around, Boy took his handful of spoons and scampered into the dining room. The glasses bobbed in the air behind him like soap bubbles, one for every seat at the table. He also got the butter and knives, dodging around Eyeless each time the older boy playfully swiped at his head.

“Who likes what long?” Toby popped in with his nose in the air. The soup smelled delicious. “What’s in the soup?”

“The frenchman from last week, the hitchhiker.”

“Oh good. I was tired of Indian.”

Toby grabbed a couple soda bottles from the fridge and joined Boy in the dining room. “ ‘sup shorty?”

“Eyeless was explaining why you all hunt so fucking differently.”

“Neat. Decide what way you like best yet?”

“How the hell can I decide if I haven't tried them?” 

“...good idea! Let’s do them all! Ow!”

Boy giggled and grabbed the fork off the floor after it bounced off of Toby’s head. Eyeless had perfect aim.

Yelled from the kitchen “NO MORE MESSY KILLERS!” 

Toby howled back- “YOU CAN’T REPRESS AN ARTIST’S CREATIVITY! Shit.” He fled the room when Eyeless came through the doorway with a cleaver. 

Boy outright laughed this time. His brothers were funny.

Eyeless pointed the knife at him. “Go let them know dinner is done. If they want to eat, they can all sit at the table like civilized psychos.” He vanished back into the kitchen with a thunk of a cleaver getting stabbed in the wooden door.

Boy saluted the empty doorway and trotted off after Toby. He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of slowly stalking someone… but a cold execution didn’t sound fun either- even if he really, really wanted to try using Liu’s gun. Jeff and Toby’s way sounded like a LOT of fun, but not for all the time. Maybe something in between? ...without all the screaming. Boy didn’t like that part, it hurt his ears.

He had time to figure it out though. Years! He could play around and find his favorite tactic.

Slender Man had promised he could go on a hunt soon..

Boy trotted off towards the Game room, where he knew most of his brothers would be. BEN had a new game involving ninjas that everyone was wild for.

“Where the hell you going pipsqueak?

Boy felt a smile stretch across his face as he ran into his favorite brother. “You made it back in time for dinner! Eyeless wants everyone to sit at the fucking table.” Boy was too old to be picked up and carried on Jeff’s hip, so he just leaned into the elder boy’s side happily. 

He grinned as he felt the blood stained fingers card through his tangled hair, occasionally yanking on knots. Boy wanted to know “Was it fun? Did you bring me back anything?”

“Course it was fucking fun. And yeah, I brought you back a souvenir so try not to fucking spill it everywhere again. I don’t want to listen to BEN bitch about the stains again.” 

Jeff was willing to stand around for a few more moments, but soon enough he shoved Boy away roughly. “Now go get the others or we’ll never fucking eat. Eyeless is a goddamn fucking tyrant about that shit.”

Boy grinned toothily. “I’m telling Eyeless you said that.” 

He ducked the swipe Jeff took at him and ran.


	6. ...who?

“You can’t be fucking serious. You’re turning this into _schoolwork?”_

Boy looked up at Jeff’s incredulous tone, Eyeless a solid presence behind him as they both leaned over the table and the body sprawled across it. Eyeless was guiding Boy’s hands in pulling out the organs, cutting them free of each other and layers of fat and messy things. Boy was naming each part as they went along, and what it did for the human system.

“This is supposed to be fun you asshole!” the Killer threw his hands up in the air.

“Fun can be educational at the same time,” Eyeless pointed out. His hands and arms were covered in blood from him reaching around Boy, while Boy and his previously-white hoodie were drenched with it. All across his chest and his arms up to the shoulder, even on his face from when he’d brushed the hair out of his eyes. It soaked the front of his jeans from where the blood had dripped off the table.

“Jeff! I stabbed him! Right in the fucking heart!” Boy gleefully pointed out the hole in the chest, above the gaping hole in the abdomen. Eyeless had guided his hand for that too, so the knife could go between the ribs while the prey had squirmed around desperately. Boy still claimed it as his kill though.

“You look like you fucking climbed into it.” Jeff leaned over the table stick his hand inside the corpse, then planted it on Boy’s face to leave a bloody hand-print around his scarlet eye. “There. Now you’re a proper little monster.”

Boy grinned at his new war paint. “Eyeless’ fault. He pushed me.”

“You fell.”

“Cause you pushed me.”

An exasperated sigh escaped out from under the blue mask. He didn’t do these sort of arguments. “Whatever. You finished or shall we continue?”

Boy looked down at the prey thoughtfully, all the organs removed and set aside but one. “I wanna see the brain! The Egyptians went through the nose right? But that smushes it. How do we get it out in one piece?”

“I’ll do it.” Jeff didn’t use his knife, his most beloved possession, for such a lowly task. No, he grabbed a hammer. And then a butter knife. Boy watched in fascination as Jeff chiseled a surprisingly neat line across the forehead, tearing the skin and crushing the skull. It was odd to see the Killer move so carefully. 

When the forehead was more or less shattered, Jeff jammed his fingers into the split to grip the bone on either side and pulled. The sound of the skull breaking in half was not as loud as Boy would have expected, it was a surprisingly squelchy, wet sound . Especially as the membrane over the brain ripped and sent more fluids puddling over the wooden table.

“You nicked the brain,” was all Eyeless had to say. Jeff flipped him off before yanking the brain free of the stem, handing it over to smallest Proxy.

How fascinating to think that Boy held a whole person’s life in his hands. He looked at the mass of pinkish grey whirls in awe. 

“Can I keep it?”

“Sure. Just put it in a fucking jar or something. Eyeless will help you.”

“What happened to this not being educational?”

“Just find a damn jar, you nitpicking fucker.”

Boy kept the brain of his first kill on his desk up in the little tower, in a firmly sealed mason jar and formaldehyde. The tower was a lot smaller than it looked from the outside, but it fit a little bed and a desk and a cabinet. He didn’t spend much time by himself in the tower, but it was where he kept all his art supplies. His sketchbooks and his paintbrushes and books. 

He did have to keep his blood collection down below in the kitchen fridge, but only sometimes. It was best to paint with fresh blood, so he didn’t store too much. The pages plastered all over the room had lost that bright red color he so loved, but all the shades of rust gave the place a homey feel. He liked the smell of blood, it was the scent of home and family.

Speaking of family, he had to get down to the kitchen for breakfast. ..soon as he found a hair tie. Boy still refused to get a haircut, leaving his hair to grow halfway down his back in mane that would put Medusa to shame. It was nearly uncontrollable, but Boy liked it that way.

Ponytail in place, Boy ran down the tower stairs. If he wanted breakfast while it was still hot he had to hurry. The bats had flown off over an hour ago- hopefully Eyeless wouldn’t be too mad. Wait.. no.. Toby was cooking this morning. Excellent! This meant there would be waffles for breakfast, even if half of them would be scorched. Toby was rarely ever allowed to cook since he tended to set things on fire, accidentally and on purpose.

Boy dodged around Laughing Jack in the kitchen doorway and through it to the dining room. He was the last to show up. Oops.

Jeff was hunched over a cup of coffee, black and thick as tar, as Boy climbed into the seat between him and Liu. Liu was playing with a cup of tea because even with food the two refused to like the same things.

“Can I go with you tonight? Pleaaaase?”

Boy tugged on Jeff's sleeve. It was Jeff's turn to go Hunting tonight and Boy wasn’t allowed to go on his own yet. He was still too little to subdue anyone, and poison would ruin the bodies. And honestly, he’d rather play after the prey were killed. They wiggled and screamed too much for his own tastes.

Jeff shrugged, almost breathing his coffee instead of drinking it.

“How come you never wanna go along with ME?” Hoody complained from across the table.

“Cause you like to fucking chase people and I can't run as fast as you!”

“...oh yeah. Good point. Fun to watch you try though.”

Boy turned his eyes back to Jeff, having to almost lie down on the table to look the older boy in the face pleadingly.

“For fuck sake, knock it off. Later.”

Boy bounced back in his seat and grinned. That meant yes in before-coffee speak. He was going on a hunt!

“Spoiled brat.”

Boy stuck his tongue out at Masky, who was sitting next to Hoody as always. “You're just pissed he likes me more than you bastards.”

“Nah, you're just a spoiled brat. I wasn't allowed to murder anyone until I was twice your size. AND only if I ate my vegetables.”

“Finished my chores.”

“I had to walk uphill to get to my prey.”

“In the snow.”

“Both ways!”

Toby and BEN fist-bumped over the table.

The teasing stopped when Slender Man walked in, an unusual event this early in the night.

In one hand he held the remains of an owl, reduced to mostly feathers. In the other he held an envelope which he dropped onto Boy's plate before taking a seat at the head of the table. The chair legs scraped slooowly over the stone floor in the silence.

“Boss?”

Boy examined the envelope, wiping off the syrup. It was made of two sheets of thick, heavy paper folded into thirds. It was addressed on the front to a “Mr. Harry Potter, Wildlands, Old Cathcomber Castle, North Tower” and on the back was a broken red wax seal.

He looked up to Slender questioningly.

“Who the hell is Harry Potter?”

Slender Man pointed a pale finger at him. Boy reflexively looked down at the front of his hoodie.

“Wait… me? But.. I'm Boy!”

“Sometimes Duck. Or That Hyper Little Fucker. Or- OOF.” Toby leaned over to catch his breath after Hoody nailed him in the stomach with an elbow.

Liu took the envelope from him, eyebrow going up. “School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? You're kidding right.. Standard book of spells? Who comes up with this crap?”

“Says the _Proxy_ of an _American urban legend,_ ” Toby gasped. He shoved Hoody off the bench before a second blow could be landed on his poor stomach. And then wilted a bit as Slender looked at him.

People shifted awkwardly in the following silence, but you can't keep a good Proxy down for long.

“Soooo… is it real?”

“A magic school? For wizards?”

“Wicked. Imagine what THOSE kidneys would taste like Eyeless!”

“Explains a lot don't you think? The teleporting, the floaty thing, setting things on fire like Toby...”

“You mean that’s not normal? Weird.”

“Didn't he fix the TV when Liu shot it?”

“I don't want to go away to a fucking school!” 

Jeff yawned big enough to make his jaw crack, finally looking up from his coffee. “Why would you? Leave the fucking weirdos to their own devices. You're not a normie.”

Boy looked at Slender dubiously. He didn't like the contemplating air around the Head of his family.


	7. Railroaded

Boy- no it was _Harry_ now, looked around the empty train station grumpily. He had a shabby trunk of school supplies at his feet and a canvas backpack of real belongings over his shoulder and he didn't like it one fucking bit. It was too early and too bright and everything was terrible. 

At least he had sunglasses. That helped with the brightness of _daylight._ And Toby had packed him lunch, so he had waffles to look forward to later. And a brand new knife in his pocket, a switch-blade even!

Jeff had thrown three separate tantrums over B- _Harry_ leaving the safety of the Castle, and in the end Slender had been forced to take him aside. Nobody knew what Slender said to him but it had left Jeff subdued. ...which was even worse than the tantrums in Harry's view.

He could have been in bed right now, in the tower where it was cool and dark. Or maybe camped out in the Game room with Toby and BEN. Or doing something, anything, with his pack of brothers rather than waiting by himself for a stupid train.

The ground vibrated under his feet as said train finally slid into view with a loud rumble. He was still the only person here, but on that side of things he was actually happy for. The longer he could avoid people the better.

Harry was supposed to learn how to properly dismember a body this year, not just loot it for organs. And Liu was finally going to teach him how to use a gun. It wasn't fucking fair!

Giving the train one last resentful glower, Harry grabbed the trunk handle and hauled the heavy thing up the steps.Maybe now he could finally take a nap and hope everyone else died horribly in a freak explosion.

What the fuck did normal people even talk about? He was going to have be very quick on his feet if they asked a lot of questions.. Even if _supposedly_ Slender Man had ways to keep people from asking too much about their family.

It was a trial of Harry’s patience to find a compartment he liked, having to go all the way to the ass-end of the train because he had stupidly climbed on board near the engine. There he drew down all the shades and shoved his trunk up against the door.

And now.. Harry took off his sunglasses and dropped face first onto the bench seat.

But because everything was absolutely fucking terrible, he wasn’t even properly asleep before the door was slid back open. Someone yelped as they walked into his trunk.

“What the fuck do _you_ want?”

The stranger, a girl, took one look at Harry's angry face (and the glowing red eye) and slammed the door shut with a frightened squeak.

Harry grinned, sitting up and ignoring how tired he was. The giant who had come to take Harry Potter school shopping had reacted just like that the first time meeting Boy. Then Slender Man had gotten ahold of him and sent the man stumbling off with dazed eyes and the assurance that Harry Potter would be on the train to Hogwarts without a problem.

Eyeless had been drooling for days envisioning the size of those kidneys. Liu had been drafted to take Boy shopping, the only one in the group capable of handling crowds, money, and actually following a fucking list without hurting anyone.

Harry lost his grin quickly as another person attempted to come in. There was a lot of people outside, he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep the compartment to himself for long but he could fucking try.

It was a good two hours later that the train finally departed from the station. Harry was left to sit with his arms crossed over his chest and staring hard at the intruders who insisted there was nowhere else to be.

A boy going paler with every second looked too frightened to move, toad clutched close to his chest. The bushy haired girl with wide eyes flinched every time Harry moved and refused to take her eyes off him for a single moment. He’d had no idea he looked THAT scary.. it was kind of flattering.

Time. Ticked. By. Slowly.

“Might as well tell me your fucking names since we're stuck with each other.”

The boy just squeaked, the toad's eyes bulging out under his grip.

“He-Hermione Granger. And this is Neville.”

She had courage for a normie, he'd grant her that. This could be fun.

“Harry fucking Potter.”

Harry and Hermione watched as the other boy, Neville, slowly slid to the floor in a faint.

“…..wimp.”

“You frightened him! And you can't be Harry Potter, I've read all about him. You don't...” She trailed off uncertain as Harry looked at her. She gulped.

“Harry Potter is the savior of the wizarding world after he defeated Lord Voldemort.. somehow. He has a lightning bolt scar on his forehead and green eyes.”

Harry rolled his eyes, one green yes but the other scarlet.

“If you're going to be a fucking idiot you can leave.”

Oh ho… now she was offended. Harry watched in fascination as the girl bristled. 

Completely forgetting how terrified she had been (should he feel insulted?) “It's in all the books! Headmaster Dumbledore himself says so. If YOU are Harry Potter than he must have lied and great men like him don't lie! AND schools don't tolerate foul language like that so watch your mouth!”

She sat back with a little flounce, crossing her own arms now to match his and glare at him.

Harry grinned and poked at the boy on the floor with his foot. The toad croaked angrily at Harry from its perch on the chubby boy's head.

“Oh! Neville!”

Hermione lurched out of her seat guiltily. She tugged at the limp form but she hadn't the strength to move him back onto the seat. She looked at Harry helplessly.

Harry sighed, but stood up. Swatting the toad away, he grabbed Neville by the arm and back of his robes and hauled him up. It was a little awkward but he got the boy on the bench, which left Hermione nowhere to sit.

Proxy and girl stared at each other. She only paled a little bit when Harry grinned toothily.

They weren't bothered until lunchtime. And this time when the door opened Harry turned his head and full out hissed at the unwelcome stranger. The red-head screamed and slammed the door shut.

“That was rude,” Hermione tutted.

“I don't fucking care.”

“Language!”

Timid little Neville looked as if he wished he could leave too. Harry and Hermione had been bonding over a mutual dislike of candy (poison vs cavities), so between Harry acting like a baby Dark Lord and Hermione's gleeful details, the poor boy was thoroughly traumatized.

Harry waggled a waffle in front of his dazed face. “Come on Neville, I haven't even done anything yet. Fucking chill.”

There was a grumble from his right, but her mouth was too full to properly chastise him. Toby made the best waffles. There was candy, but after Harry mentioned it was likely poisoned, neither of his companions would touch it. For the best really, L.J. just couldn't help himself. There were a couple meat-filled sandwiches, but after the candy comment Hermione just looked at them suspiciously and stuck to her own lunch.

Harry noted to himself that if he wanted to poison someone- do it with waffles. No one expected the waffles.

Sadly, by the time the train rolled to a stop that evening, Neville seemed to have acclimatized to Harry. He even seemed to like Harry, just a little teensy bit. It was a pity, but Harry had a whole school of other kids to torment so he could afford to go easy on this one.

But only a little, fear did a person good in the long run, you know? Kept you alert.

“Thank fucking finally. If we're all capable of magic and going to a fucking magic school, why are we forced to ride the train all fucking day?”

 _“Language,”_ Hermione growled as she shoved Neville ahead of her. Some older students looked at Harry in disapproval, though a few more snickered. Wearing his sunglasses again his glare wasn't as effective as it could have been.

“You need your mouth washed out with giant bar of soap, though I hesitate to think what sort of person would dare put their fingers in YOUR mouth,” with a little sniff at Harry's toothy grin.

Harry made a rude gesture at the Red-head when he noticed the boy pointing at him, but allowed himself to be herded towards a fleet of tiny boats.

Wait, four?

Him, Hermione, Neville… oh please let the fucking toad count.

He wasn't that lucky.

Harry sulked through most of the ride as yet another person forced their presence on him. He pinched himself roughly on the arm to try and shake it off.

Slender wanted him here, for some reason. He wasn't allowed to kill anyone. He should probably try not to alienate any more people than he already had on the train. Eyeless had always said he was a little too much like Jeff for his own good. For anyone's good.

Harry sighed.

 

\-------------------

 

The silence was almost deafening.

Harry handed back the Sorting Hat back to the old bat who'd taken his sunglasses, and trotted off to sit with his new Housemates.

No Hermione, sadly. Or Neville. He was going to have to find some new playmates.

“Errr… welcome to Hufflepuff Mr. Potter…?”


	8. Plants and Potions and Pals

Harry slammed his shoulder against Neville's, making the boy yelp and crash sideways into Hermione, nearly knocking her off her feet in turn. He'd come up behind them in the Great Hall where breakfast was being served too fucking early, making it easy to sneak up and attack.

"Harry!"

"Hermione!" he mocked, following them to the Gryffindor table. Almost no one was there, far too early for most of the Gryffindors. Though the only reason Harry was awake was because he had yet to fall asleep. It was making him a little manic. And look a little crazed. More crazed.

"That was mean!"

"Eh."

"Shouldn't you be eating with your housemates?"

"Why?"

"Cause they're... your... housemates?"

"So?”

Unconcerned with what he was supposed to do, Harry plopped himself onto the bench and looked up at them expectantly.

The Gryffindors looked at each other. Neville shrugged helplessly and sat on the other side of Hermione, rubbing his shoulder.

Hermione frowned, but dropped her school bag to the floor with a THUD. “If you had done that on the stairs we could have been killed!” 

"But we weren't on the fucking stairs." Lessee what were the options here... Pancakes. Sausage. Eggs. Bacon. Toast... Damn. No waffles. Harry helped himself to a bowl of scrambled eggs and poured syrup over it all.

"Harry!"

"Hermione!"

"Neville.." quietly muttered.

Harry grinned.

He'd discovered very quickly that the students of Hogwarts were, for the most part, a jumpy and superstitious bunch. Merely smiling at people made them get out of his way. It was fucking hilarious. The toothier the smile the better the reaction

Hermione tutted like a little hen and made herself a breakfast of wholesome fruit and oatmeal. And then another for Neville of wholesome fruit and oatmeal. She edged the bowl of mixed fruit closer to Harry and his abomination.

"How do you like being in Hufflepuff Harry?"

"Dunno. Spent most of last night in the infirmary getting a fucking check-up. I guess having two-colored eyes isn't the norm around here." Harry preened a bit, staunchly ignoring the fruit that was sneaking closer. "By the time I was shoved off to bed everyone else was hiding. I mean asleep. Everyone else was asleep." 

Hermione side-eyed him. "I can't imagine why."

Harry pointed a fork at her. "YOU wouldn't have run off to fucking hide."

She patted her mouth with a napkin. "I have Dentists for parents. There are many things a lot scarier than you, even if you insist on swearing in every other sentence."

From his hiding spot, Neville giggled, making Harry look even more offended. As the Great Hall slowly filled with more and more students (the other Gryffindors didn't look too happy with him for some reason) he just sulked over his sugar-soaked eggs. 

That's where Professor Sprout found him. "Mr. Potter, your schedule. And dear, you should really be eating at your own House table." The woman patted him on the shoulder. She had done a lot of that last night with the firsties. Lots of hugging too. Hufflepuffs were big on hugging.

"Why?"

"So you can get to know your Housemates of course!" The woman patted him on the head now. "But it's nice to see you making friends already, so keep up the good work!"

If she was bothered by Harry’s quirks, the Professor didn't let it show- merely left to continue passing out the schedules. She’d very kindly overlooked his antics last night too, only making him go to the Infirmary after the Old Bat had demanded it. Apparently it was expected for new students to be a little nervous..?

Sprout _had_ insisted on going with him to see the Nurse, though Harry wasn’t sure why, and had objected to the more serious tests, for which Harry was fucking grateful. The Headmaster had been there too, the old man looking as if Harry had broken all the best knives.

Harry didn’t know what they all had been looking for but it seemed to both relieve and disappoint the adults- which was when his House Head had ushered him off to bed.

Professor Sprout had this sort of.. strong-willed protectiveness about her that was both familiar and admirable. Harry liked her a lot more than he thought he would considering.

"So..." Hermione began once the woman bustled off.

Alright, Hermione thought the red-eye and scar thing was pretty darn creepy when he was staring from less than a foot away, but she'd seen some pretty horrific tooth decay in her life (mostly by accident, some by curiosity) and Hermione staunchly refused to be rude enough to make a fuss over superficial facial markings (unlike some other people).

"..we have potions first. I mean, Neville and I do. What do you have?"

"Mmmm.... Herbology it looks. I get to go play in the fucking garden."

"I wished I could go to the green houses first thing in the morning.." Neville sighed.

Harry had to push back Hermione's bushy hair to see him. HIS wild mess was pulled back into a loose ponytail and out of the way. "Trade you places. I want to go play with explosives."

"We’ll be making potions, not bombs,” Hermione corrected.

"Explosive potions."

Hermione huffed in exasperation.

The incoming horde of owls were a bit of a surprise, but breakfast passed uneventfully. People seemed to be leaving a good distance between themselves and Harry and he grinned toothily at them in thanks.

Trailing after the other first-year Hufflepuffs to the gardens, Harry wished he could have gone to Potions instead of having to face all the goddamn daylight.

Hmm. Plants at a magic school were bound to be weird. If not dangerous... He moved a little faster.

Later that day Hermione was attacked by an absolutely filthy Hufflepuff as the Badgers met up with the Gryffindors for History class. His robe was covered in dirt, he had sap and leaves in his ponytail, and scratches on his face and hands.

He threw an arm over her shoulders and showered her book bag with more bits of plants. "Guess what we did!"

Without waiting for a reply- "Professor Sprout has this fucking awesome plant called the Devil's Snare, it tries to wrap around you and strangle you. I don't think we were supposed to deal with that shit today but it was fun! Hope we get more like that."

"That's.. nice.. Harry." Hermione grimaced, trying to shake the dirt off her robes.

"Where's Neville?"

Now she was scowling properly. "He made a mistake in potions class and had to go to see Madame Pomfrey. It blew up in his face and Professor Snape just yelled at him!"

"He should learn to duck faster."

“Harry!”

“Hermione!” just as mockingly as this morning. But then they were separated- Hermione allowing herself to be pulled aside by the redhead. Harry didn’t notice because there was a ghost standing at the front of the room and that was very distracting. How often did someone get to learn from a ghost?

Sadly, it took less than five minutes for him to lose interest in the ghostly Professor, and less than two minutes more to fall asleep. It was a good nap too, very refreshing. Harry rubbed his face while collecting his bag and again trailed after everyone else to lunch. He had to sit with his housemates this time, and he made sure to be on his best behavior. 

That pretty much set the tone for the week. For every class he adored, it was paired with another that bored him to tears. Turned out the Old Bat was his Transfiguration teacher. And she did not appreciate being questioned. Or swearing. Or that he'd left his wand back in his dorm. So that was his first and second detention.

The Charms professor was much better- he _encouraged_ questions. And the fact Harry could do a few simple spells without his wand had the tiny professor singing praises.

(Harry didn't get the big deal about it. He'd been making things fly and change colors for years now, why on earth should he use a wand now? Though apparently the end of year exams depended on him knowing the words and movements.. Shit.)

Potions class was the most like home, all cold stonework and questionable ingredients, but the Professor was mean as fuck. He ridiculed and taunted and breathed hate down on all his students- especially Harry. The feeling was pretty mutual and ended up giving Harry his third, fourth, and fifth detentions.

Then there was Flying, which sucked, and Astronomy, which was great. Harry loved the chance to stay up late and enjoy the dark skies AND he always got to sleep in the next day. Sitting on an old stick ten feet in the air? He’d rather teleport. 

(He didn’t. All that fuss over a silly floating charm, he knew teleporting would be ten times worse.)

Lastly there was Defence Against the Dark Arts. In theory it sounded like a really fun class, learning how to defend yourself against dark magics. In reality it was pretty fucking boring. Mostly book-work. The teacher not only stuttered through every class, he reeked of garlic and.. something unpleasant. Harry couldn’t pin it down but he didn’t like it. 

He ended up falling asleep in class a lot. 

So many points lost. 

So many detentions. 

Harry was just _so fucking happy_ to be at Hogwarts.


	9. Brotherly Affection

Hermione put her hands on her hips and watched the two boys with a frown on her face and tapped her foot on the floor. She didn’t have time for this nonsense. She had an essay to write and to scold Neville into writing and to correct for him. “This is why everyone thinks you’re a bully, Harry Potter!”

Harry looked up but didn’t release Neville from the head-lock he had trapped the boy in. Neville squirmed but Harry had too good of a grip- he may be smaller than the Gryffindor, but he was better balanced and more determined.

“Me? I’m not bullying him, I’m just happy to see you guys. It’s been hours!” 

“Being happy to see someone doesn’t mean you can go around attacking them! Honestly, it’s like you were raised by wolves. Professor McGonagall is getting very fed up with it, as am I!”

Harry frowned now, eyebrows bunched up in confusion. He gave the other boy one last, short noogie, and then set him free. “It’s just some friendly rough-housing. What’s the big deal?” Was it because Hermione and the Old Bat were girls? Did only boys rough-house?

Neville froze as they both turned to him. His face was flushed, his clothes rumpled, and hair was going in all directions. Rubbing his sore scalp, he gulped “..err..” 

“Neville, do you enjoy being pushed around and man-handled?” Hands still on her hips, Hermione’s tone was patronizing. Of course he didn't like it. Who would?

“Not… really?”

He winced at Harry’s expression. The confident Hufflepuff seemed to just… wilt.

“But...” 

Hermione tsked. She reached over and straightened Neville’s tie for him, then patted his hair flat. “Seriously Harry, is it so hard to believe that most people DON’T like to be mauled every time they turn around? He has bruises! I have bruises! I cannot allow this to continue nor should you think it’s actually OK to treat your friends like this. We are not animals!”

By the time she stopped fussing over Neville and turned around, Harry had vanished.

“Ooo.. that boy!” She could put up with the shark-like smiles, the demonic eye color and the questionable knowledge. She was NOT going to put up with this physical abuse!

She ignored the reproachful look from Neville. “I hope he thinks about what I said. I don’t like bullies!”

Harry was still avoiding them three days later when it was time for Herbology Club.

Professor Sprout had been more than happy to invite Harry to the club, after seeing his excitement during their first lesson- the careful handling of the adult Devil’s Snare hadn’t hurt either. Most people were scared out of their wits coming across one, much less enveloped in its grip.

(Unknown to Harry, Professor Flitwick had honest-to-god pouted when he’d heard bout the club offer. And while his bribes were pretty tempting, Sprout thought Herbology Club would be a better calming influence than Charms Club. Too bad they were ran at the same time.)

The club was mostly Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students, with a couple random Slytherins tossed in. This meant Neville was the one and only Gryffindor to be invited, since most of them were a little too rowdy for Sprout’s taste, but Neville was a good, quiet boy. 

Harry skulked to the other end of the greenhouse and away from the Gryffindor. He was a little bewildered by the situation, having no idea what to do with himself if he wasn’t supposed to be violent. He tried to be polite and meek around the Hufflepuffs ( to varying degrees of success) so to not alarm them too much, but Neville was supposed to be a _friend._

Harry was focused so intently on a much smaller Devil’s Snare he’d named Jane, that it came as a complete surprise when someone pushed against his shoulder.

It wasn’t a very hard push, more like a nudge, but Harry turned to find Neville smiling crookedly at him. “Professor Sprout said you might need a hand moving this one to a new pot.”

Harry smiled back and tried to keep his lips over his teeth. ”Yeah, she’s a fff.. handful. You get the pot ready while I pull her out?” He did not need another detention for swearing on top of all this. Detention was getting so _boring._

Neville wasn’t one of his brothers, and vicious plants aside, he didn’t like scary things at all, but.. Harry surprised at how glad he was to talk to him again. He’d figured Neville wouldn’t want to after Hermione’s scolding.

Neville seemed to read his mind, shuffling his feet with a cough.

“Hermione.. Ahh…” Neville paused to collect his thoughts. “...she’s a girl. And an only child like... I know you weren’t trying to be mean just.. The Weasley’s shout at each other a lot, and tease and play pranks. It kind of felt like… yeah. So.. I’m sorry about Hermione.”

Harry’s smile turned into a proper grin. Jumbled as the explanation was, he got it. “My brothers are rough too. It’s nice to have someone to play with.” Neville did understand after all! He’d seemed a little wimpy in the beginning but Neville was as close to having a brother around as Harry was going to get.

It wasn’t playing tag in a crumbling castle and dodging the occasional axe, but it wasn’t bad. 

Harry, hesitating a moment, gently elbowed Neville in the side. “Ready for this?”

“Yup. If she tries to strangle you, don’t worry. I know Lumos.”

It took some time, and Professor Sprout kept a subtle eye on them just in case things went wrong, but they got the wiggly plant into a bigger pot without too much fuss. Harry indulged the Snare by letting her wrap around one of his arms and squeeze. She was just a baby (unlike the other one) so it wasn’t very strong yet.

“Hey Neville?”

“Hmm?”

“Some of the older boys go for a run every morning before breakfast. To stay fit. I was thinking of joining them. Wanna come?”

“You _hate_ mornings. Like.. a lot.” Understatement of the year.

“Yeah.. well.. I’m restless. I’m used to doing more stuff and all this sitting and reading is making my bones itch.” That and the endless rules were driving him insane. Don’t run in the halls, don’t swear, don’t forget your wand, don’t heckle the Gryffindors, don’t antagonize the Slytherins, don’t mock the rules, don’t question teachers, don’t.. don’t…

It was enough to drive anyone batty. Jeff would have murdered half the school by now.

Liu would have shot the other half. And then Jeff.

Harry sighed wistfully. He hadn’t even been able to try out his new switchblade yet and it had been weeks.

“I.. guess so. How early?”

“A little after dawn I think. It’s a lap or two around the lake, with enough time to shower before breakfast. It’ll be fun!” Harry paused. “Ok not fun, I’ll still hate mornings. But it should be.. uhm..”

“...better than flying on a broom?”

“Exactly. Brooms suck.”

“I see you there. I’d rather use the floo. Or even side-apparation.”

“What’s that?”

Neville thought about it. “It’s where you move from one place to another by getting squeezed really hard by magic till you pop out on the other side.”

“Wicked.” So THAT’S what they called it. Good to know.

From there it went into chatter about other school stuff. Neville had gotten thiiiis close to turning his apple into a wooden ball the other day.

Harry had gotten a detention for turning it into a kidney.

Cranky old bat.. Harry was keeping track of the times he made her eye develop a tic.


	10. Under Their Noses

Harry couldn’t stop grinning even though he knew it made him look extra insane. He couldn’t help it, he’d had a blast! The troll had been huge and rank and just LOOK at all the damage it had caused…!

Professor Sprout was hugging him with one arm around his shoulders while waving her wand at him. She frowned as the cuts on his face refused to heal, muttering to herself. Harry hardly felt them under the rush of adrenaline. He’d barely managed to shove his switchblade into a pocket right before the teachers came running in.

“What were you three THINKING?” McGonagall shrieked. She was so appalled to see two of her lions had tried to face down a troll. A TROLL. She turned a furious face to the small Badger who she knew, _she knew,_ had to be the ringleader of this mess. 

“Mister Potter-!”

“It wasn’t his idea Professor, he didn’t even want to come!” Neville jumped in quickly. “I wanted to find Hermione, and he was worried about me going by myself. So it’s my fault. Really!” He cringed under her glare. ‘Worried’ was a bit of a stretch, but Harry had still come along no matter the case. 

“Mister Longbottom, do you know how _dangerous_ this was? You could have been killed!”

“I..I would have been without them,” came a very small voice. McGonagall whirled around to glare at Hermione.

“And just WHY were you not in the hall Miss Granger?”

“I was..” Hermione bit her lip, eyes dropping miserably.

“Probably thought her books had been preparation enough to kill a full grown mountain troll,” sneered the Potions Professor lurking in the back. 

“Detention! For all of you! And fifteen points each!” 

Harry managed to wipe the grin from his face by the time she whirled back around to glare at him. Except Professor Sprout wasn’t having it. “I can handle it from here Minerva, just let me know when his detention is scheduled and he’ll be there. Let’s go dear, we need to have a little chat in my office. ”

Harry looked back over his shoulder as she hustled him away, Neville looking pale yet triumphant and Hermione ashamed. He winked at them behind the Professors backs.

Harry almost felt sorry for the girl, she obviously didn’t appreciate a troll bursting in on her, but he’d got to use his knife! Finally! Hadn’t done much damage but blood was blood!

Sorta.

Kinda thick and gooey.

Still counted!

Neville had been pretty amazing too, using the troll’s own club.. Genius!

“Mister Potter, do try to look a little repentant.”

“...yes Professor Sprout.”

Her office was a cluttered little room, potted plants taking up most of the available space. She seated him in the squishy little chair in front of the desk before taking her own seat in a larger squishy chair.

“Now then Mr. Potter, while I can’t say I disapprove of you making sure your friends are safe, you should know better than to run off without telling a teacher. What if you had been injured? Or, heavens forbid, killed? What would your relatives say if we had to send them a message about the incident?”

It was amazing.

By the time their ‘little chat’ was finished Harry truly was repenting the whole escapade. His Head of House was a master with guilt trips, implying just enough to make even Harry feel terrible. His family _would_ have been devastated to hear he’d been killed. Jeff would never have forgiven him- probably would have held a seance just to bitch at him for a few hours. Slender Man would have been so disappointed at his lack of planning..

This was why it was important to not get caught doing mischief. If Harry wasn’t feeling so miserable he’d be highly impressed with her skill. He was mortified to find himself almost in tears by the time she sent him to bed with another hug, making him promise to think things through better. 

A job well done, Sprout thought. Harry was a little rough and full of sass, but he was still only eleven.

Harry hadn’t cried in years. And as long as sniffles didn’t count, he could pretend he still hadn’t and keep the tradition going. He felt desperately homesick all of a sudden.

Back in his dorm the other boys were sympathetic and all but.. they still wanted all the details. It wasn’t every year a first year killed a troll! 

“I heard you blew his head off!” 

“I heard-

“Nah. It was all Neville. He used the floating charm to take the Troll’s club and hit him in the head with it.”

He laughed at their incredulous expressions. He didn’t know if it was because _Neville_ had killed the troll, or because Harry _hadn’t_. But it was funny all the same and cheered him up. 

“He’s braver than you think!”

“Well.. he is in Gryffindor…” Ernie slowly reminded them.

“Yeah but… Neville Longbottom?”

“He does hang around with Harry between classes,” Justin pointed out dryly. He was unimpressed with the toothy grin from Harry. It had been two months already, Harry wasn’t going to kill them in their sleep.

Hopefully.

The other first years considered this, throwing the occasional glance at Harry in his filthy robes and crazed eyes. Harry just shrugged as he kicked his feet back and forth on the edge of the bed.

“...yeah that’s a good point. Neville is pretty brave.” 

Harry stuck his tongue out at Ernie.

He had tried to be careful with his fellow Hufflepuffs, really he had, and it seemed to be working..? Biting the hand that fed you, or in this case, terrorizing the people you shared a bedroom with, would have been a terrible idea. It may have taken a few weeks and some artful explaining of his ignorance in wizarding ways, but his roommates no longer waited for him to set their beds on fire. Not that they trusted him exactly… but they co-existed peacefully. So long as he kept his aggression aimed at the other houses that is. 

“Anyone for Exploding Snap?”

Harry’s head snapped around so fast it almost cracked his neck. “Yes!”

Every card game should come with the threat of exploding in your face! Made things so much more interesting! Harry loved chess too, even if nothing exploded. He did lose most of the time ‘cause he encouraged the pieces to kill each other. “Most” meaning “every time” since it was just too funny to see little stone men get beheaded and smashed to bits. He needed to find a way to smuggle a set home.

You know, that could be one of the reasons why the other boys didn’t trust him too much. 

...other than the red eye that glowed in the dark of course. Harry had had to promise to close his bed curtains all the way shut after Roger had woken up in the middle of the night to pee.

Harry shrugged mentally. 

Eh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super early chapter (Sorry not sorry) because tomorrow I go in to have my wisdom teeth removed and while I should be okay by Friday for a normal schedule, I am a nervous fretter and need something to keep my mind off things. So.. here you go!


	11. Beat It

Harry changed his mind.

Quidditch was _awesome._

Neville took one look at Harry’s star-struck face and groaned. “Not you too..”

“I want to do that!!” squeaked the smaller boy as he bounced in his seat, hair falling over his face.

Neville sighed again, pulling his cloak tighter around him.

“Come on! LOOK at them! They chase the cannon balls around and hit them towards other people!”

Neville side-eyed his friend. Of course Harry would enjoy the viciousness of Quidditch. Having permission to beat someone with a hard object was probably Harry’s dream come true. 

(Neville had no idea how true that thought actually was..)

Harry’s attention was split between the Weasley twins and the Slytherin beaters. The twins were more on the ball, so to speak, but the Slytherins were more brutal. And cheated more blatantly.

It was kind of amusing to watch his head whip back and forth in trying to keep track of them. Neville grinned quietly. Harry wasn’t even bothering to pay attention to the score. Or that the seekers were fighting it out up above.

“How do I join the Quidditch team?”

“I dunno. Ask? First years aren't allowed though, so you’d have to wait till next year. Aren't you friends with Diggory? You can ask him.”

Harry hummed happily. Diggory was part of their running group. Or rather, Harry and Neville were part of his since he had been there first. It wasn’t as bad as Neville had feared, getting up early to lap the lake. It wasn’t his favorite thing, but he could see the benefits of the exercise, and not just because he was finally shedding some baby fat. Like Harry not being so manic afterwards. Almost serene even.

Ron Weasley was still trying to convince him that Harry was bad news, and sadly Hermione was starting to agree with him. Hard to believe that at one point Neville had been so sure Hermione and Harry were going to be the best of friends, they had gotten along so well on the train but now..

Harry still punched him in the arm a lot, but he wasn’t able to pounce on Neville from behind very often- Neville was much more aware of himself now. He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped being so nervous around Snape, but it was around the same time of dealing with a cranky Harry in the early dawn hour. Last time Malfoy had tried to intimidate and threaten, Neville had laughed in his face. (It had been worth the leg-locker curse to see the shocked look on Malfoy’s face.)

Yeah, Neville was fine with Harry’s fondness for mayhem. Not like Harry was trying to kill anyone.

Just bruise them a little. 

Neville frowned.

He.. really shouldn’t be ok with that should he? It wasn’t winning him any friends in his House either. Most of the Gryffindors thought he was nuts. And stupid. But oh Neville had never had so much fun. Like.. watching Malfoy dissolve into a bundle of nerves after Harry spent a week stalking him. Not doing anything other than just being there. Everywhere. Even when he had stopped Malfoy had kept looking for him. Neville had almost laughed himself sick.

His breathe escaped him with an ”OOF!” as Harry elbowed him, even with the extra layers of fabric to battle the chilliness of the quidditch boxes.

“Your team won! Be happy!”

“Whoohoo…” 

Gryffindor Tower was going to be a complete madhouse all day, probably all evening. Neville wasn’t looking forward to it at all... He sighed as heavily as an eleven year old could sigh.

“Unless you were betting on Slytherin…?”

“No, it’s just going to be nuts in the common-room now and the Slytherins are going to be mad as cats in class tomorrow.”

“Awwww. Let them be! And when they attack you, return the favor.” 

“It’s Potions class! Snape would kill me if I hexed one of his Snakes.”

“You either want it enough to face the firing squad, or you don't. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you have no choice,” very matter of factly, as if he’d heard it a hundred times.

“It’s not that easy!”

Or was it? Neville wasn’t used to thinking such difficult thoughts. It made his head hurt. “You are bad for my mental health,” muttering to Harry’s back as they climbed down the thousand and one stairs to the safe, welcome ground.

Being behind Harry, it was easy to notice when… something… hit Harry in the back and pushed him forward. Neville lunged for him and grabbed the back of his robe before Harry could fall and break his neck on the stairs. 

“What the fuck!”

Heh. Harry hadn’t sworn in weeks. Neville had almost missed it.

He got Harry back on his feet, but was still holding his arm when.. something… happened again. It felt like something slammed into Neville’s side, spinning him around and this time throwing both boys into the wooden railing. Neville lost his breath for a second time as he got squashed between said railing and the Hufflepuff. Harry was tiny, but he was solid. Gasping for air, Neville felt the railing creak behind him.

Just when he was sure the wood post was about to give out and send both of them tumbling to their deaths, the pressure was just as suddenly gone. Staggering forward from the release wasn’t any better since they were still on the stairs. Thankfully the people in front of them had noticed something odd was happening, and were able to catch the boys before they fell too far. 

Neville was frightened. He had no idea what had just happened, but it had nearly killed him and Harry.

Worse, _Harry_ looked frightened. He was allowing the fifth year Hufflepuff to cuddle him, the girl asking if they were both ok, what had happened, do they need to see Madam Pomfrey?

Neville could only wheeze.

Madame Pomfrey clucked her tongue over them, but found no broken bones or serious damage. Neville had a heck of a bruise across the right side of his ribs, where the something had pushed him. He had a much smaller bruise on his back from the railing.

Harry had been cushioned from the railing by Neville, but he had two of the hand-sized bruises even so, one on the back of his left shoulder and one on the front right. It was higher than the one on Neville’s side because he was half a head shorter.

Harry wouldn’t stop poking at his sore shoulder as the nurse liberally slathered Neville with bruise balm. 

“As for you Mister Potter, you’ll just have to heal them the natural way.” She tsked again and motioned for Neville to put his robes back on. He was SO glad he’d added extra layers for the match.

When Neville looked offended on Harry’s behalf, Harry explained- “magic doesn’t work well when cast on me. Haven’t you noticed I never get hexed in the halls?”

“I thought people were too afraid to,” Neville admitted. And then realized how silly that was. That should have made Harry more of a target, not less. Especially by the older years… 

“No. They try, but the spells seem to slide off or miss me completely. Some sort of shielding from my Guardian I guess? Which means no magic healing potions either.” Harry poked his bruise one last time and pulled his robe back over his shoulders. He didn’t mind the cold as much so only wore the one layer under his cloak..

Neville frowned, and opened his mouth to ask.. Something.. About magic.. Shields… His brain felt fuzzy all of a sudden. “Someone just tried to push us off the stairs, wasn’t that casting magic at you?” That wasn’t the question he’d wanted ask but it seemed close.

“Prolly not, more likely they aimed in my direction rather than on me specifically. Which is why it caught you too.”

Neville shuddered. He thanked Madame Pomfrey and followed Harry out into the empty hallway. “Someone just tried to kill us and nobody seems to care!” he complained, trying to remember what class he was supposed to be in. Even the fifth year escorts had passively wandered off after getting the two into the infirmary.

He wasn’t mollified by Harry’s laughter.

“Just think of it this way Nev, we proved how hard it would be to kill us. It’ll make them think twice next time!”

“That doesn’t help!”

Neville bit his lower lip, wondering what his Gran would say if he wrote her. Probably just scold him for being silly. Who would try to kill a couple of first years? At Hogwarts?


	12. Going Home

The only thing keeping Harry on the train was Neville’s firm grip on the back of his bright red sweatshirt. 

“TOBY!” Harry waved wildly, hanging halfway out of the window in his excitement. His worn out sneakers squeaked against the lower half of the window frantically. It was the Christmas holidays and he got to go HOME and there was TOBY waiting for him and-!

Neville leaned backwards as he tried to pull Harry out of the window, arms wrapped around the Hufflepuff’s waist now. “Harry! This is insane! Get off the train like a normal person! You’ll break your neck!” He could hear laughter from the other side, and they were _definitely_ related to Harry.

Who finally realized Neville was not going to give up and pushed himself back into the train car. “Toby’s here! I wasn’t sure who was gunna pick me up but Toby is a good choice!” Harry hadn’t been this excited since he’d started talking to the Hufflepuff Beaters.

It was nice seeing him act his age without burbling of violent things for a change.

Neville just barely managed to grab his satchel before Harry was hauling him off the train. “Come meet Toby! He’s awesome, a lot of fun to play games with, very unpredictable.”

Harry dodged through the students and their trunks with single-minded determination. Dropping Neville’s hand he threw himself at an older boy with scruffy brown hair and goggles pushed to the top of his head. “TOBY!”

The older boy picked Harry up easily and swung him around. “Hey shorty! Long time no see!” Setting him back on the ground he pinched Harry’s cheek and made him yelp. “Look at you all… short and… shouldn’t you be taller by now?”

Harry slapped his hand away. “Toby this is my friend Neville. Neville, this is my brother Toby. He’s crazy. In a good way.” Most of the time.

Neville offered his hand like good manners dictated. Toby stared at it blankly for a long moment before something clicked in his mind. He took Neville’s hand and shook it up and down enthusiastically, “congratulations! You’ve survived the presence of our little bitty baby. It’s a miracle! HALLELUJAH!”

Getting his hand back took a few tugs, Neville tucked it safely into a pocket. “Uhh.. pleased to meet you, Toby. Harry has talked a lot about you.” Wait… no… Harry didn’t. Harry rarely said anything about his brothers. But a moment ago Neville could have sworn..

“Yeah I’m awesome. But we need to go and I’m sure you two can.. find.. some way to communicate. Later.” Toby squinted at him for a long moment then shrugged. “Later!” he said again. Harry wasn’t given much a choice of the matter, Toby picked up the smaller boy and tossed him over a shoulder. Harry waved goodbye at Neville cheerfully, ponytail falling over his shoulder.

“. . .huh.”

Neville looked around. He’d have thought Harry Potter would have gathered more notice from the people on the platform, especially after being carried off like that. But no one seemed to have even given a second glance to the odd pair.

“Neville, there you are!”

“Hello Gran,” he sighed. He was happy to see her but.. he could tell she was getting ready to scold him for whatever it was she thought he’d done. Or not done. He missed Harry already.

\----------------

“Is it just you?” Harry wanted to know as he tried to twist around and see where Toby was taking him. 

“Just me! Liu absolutely refused to deal with another crowd after the last time. And I’m the least weird looking in the bunch! Including you, my little demonic duckling.” He pinned Boy’s legs down with his arm to keep the kicking to a minimum as they walked through the normal part of the train station. 

So.. many.. People.. It made Toby’s skin crawl. No wonder Liu had put his foot down.

“Is everyone ok? I haven’t been able to send any letters. Did you have a lot of fun without me? What are we doing for Christmas? Did you kill my Tattletail?” Harry gave up and propped his elbows on Toby’s back, trying to keep his head up.

“Hey, one thing at a time! Mmm.. everyone’s fine, including your robot. I stashed him in the basement for you after I found him in the shed. Not a good hiding spot by the way. ‘Course we had fun. We always have fun! And we have a Christmas surprise for you.”

It was dark outside. The train ride had once more taken all damn day. Toby bounced Boy against his shoulder a couple times as he headed down a nearby alley. In the shadows at the end was a small, very battered truck and Toby chucked him inside.

“What kind of surprise?” Harry grinned as he rolled the window down as far as it would go. Ha- no he could be Boy now. It fit better, just like his beloved hoodie. Boy even put his seatbelt on before looking at Toby expectantly. 

Toby just grinned back as he started the truck. “The surprise kind of surprise, so sit back and shut up and enjoy the ride. Or don’t shut up and tell me about the school. Kill anyone?”

“Noooo, Slender Man said I wasn’t allowed. I haven’t even hurt anybody. A lot. Bruises don’t count right?” Neville didn’t count either as far as Harry was concerned. He hadn’t hurt Neville, they were friends!

“Who counts bruises? That’s boring.” Toby’s driving was most assuredly not boring. He drove exactly how people would expect him to drive. Crazily. 

“IF YOU CAN’T DRIVE GET OFF THE ROAD!” might have been yelled at one point, Toby hanging his head out the window.

“The left side left side LEFT SIDE.” Boy hung on for dear life as the truck wheels screeched back over to the proper lane.

“Oh yeah..”

“You’ve been here over eight years! Why can’t you remember which side to drive on?”

“Cause I don’t want to.”

Well that made a lot of sense. Boy glared up at him. Toby just cackled, pulling his mouth guard up over his face. “Come on Brat! Live a little!”

“Key word there is _live_. You’re fucking insane!”

“Yup!”

Boy gave up and laughed. He enjoyed the wind blasting through the windows and just kept a firm grip in case they hit a pothole. He had to shout now to tell Toby about school.

“They make us ride brooms, like in the cartoons! And they have plants that try to strangle you! And someone tried to kill me!”

“Awesome. Did it work?” 

_“Obviously.”_

Boy couldn’t have asked for a better ride home. Even if he did have to close his eyes at one point and maybe even pray a little to Slender Man. He could tell by the landmarks they were getting close to home.

“Hey uh…” Toby motioned for Boy to roll up the window, doing the same to his own. Without the wind, it was much quieter in the truck cab. “Before we get there.. Don’t be too upset if some of the guys kind of.. Avoid you. For a little bit..”

“But…!” Boy was crushed. He’d been gone for _months_ and they didn’t want to see him?

“You know how some of us can get with emotions. Some of us just.. don’t.. deal with them very well. Everyone missed you. A lot. And one or two of us might need an extra day to kind of.. come to terms.. with you being back. Safe and sound. Without trying to kill you for making them feel.. all that.”

Boy wasn’t used to Toby being so serious. But he’d also never been away from home for so long, before this stupid school thing he’d only left the castle for a couple days at most, and always with one or two of the proxies.

“Oh.” His voice had gone quiet and small. “Jeff?”

Toby hesitated. “He’ll be...okay. I think.”


	13. Hugs and Punches

It was early in the evening, the castle should have been bustling with people and noise as the proxies woke and ate and planned for the night. Instead it was quiet and cold. The game room was empty.

No.. there was someone sitting on the couch, bathed with grey staticy light from the T.V. That usually meant BEN was out roaming the internet. Nothing ever worked properly when he left the castle.

Boy promptly threw all warnings to the wind and dived over the back of the couch to tackle Jeff, tumbling them both to the floor. Luckily, Jeff didn’t have his knife in hand but Boy still got a fist to the face. It was only a glancing blow though, so Boy ignored the pain in favor of wrapping his arms around Jeff’s neck in a strangling grip. 

He could feel Jeff growl underneath him but eventually Jeff returned the hug, making Boy’s ribs creak. “You little fuck, hasn’t anyone told you not to sneak up on someone like that?”

“Fuck you, you heard us come in so it wasn’t sneaking.”

He had missed the castle, and missed his brothers, and missed Slender, but most of all he had missed Jeff. Jeff was safety and home and family and it had sucked to be without him for so long. Boy pressed his face into Jeff’s shoulder and breathed in the smell of old blood and rain.

He wanted to crack Jeff’s rib cage open and climb inside, but that would have been silly since Boy wasn’t THAT small.

The idea was nice idea though. He should try to sketch it out later.

“Soo… should I just leave you guys here or…?” Toby sat on an arm of the couch, watching them with his head tilted to one side and goggles pushed up again. He had wanted to make sure Jeff wasn’t going to stab the littlest proxy. There had been some concerned talk on whether or not he would.

(Just a little bit. A smidgeon. Liu was a paranoid bastard, that’s all.)

Jeff snarled at him. The stone floor was hardly comfortable but getting up would mean letting go of Boy. Which wasn’t a bad idea since he seemed to be having a hard time breathing under Jeff’s grip. Maybe later. Boy however let go of Jeff’s hoodie long enough to gesture at Toby.

“Oh I see how it is..” Toby dropped to the floor and crawled over to them. He flopped  
across Boy’s back, further crushing him (and Jeff) into the hard stone. “I feel so left out here. -I- didn’t get a hug.” 

“Fucking liar!” squeaked the boy, trying to kick Toby in the shins. He had hugged Toby immediately! He’d almost climbed out of a window he’d been so happy to see Toby! See if Boy ever did it again the ungrateful bastard!

Toby just cackled. After a few minutes of trying to pin his littlest baby brother’s feet down- “...I’m starving.”

“Waffles?”

“Waffles! Yes! And bacon. Maybe some eggs. Bet if we start breakfast people will start coming out of the walls,” Toby hummed. Then rolled his eyes at Jeff’s snort and punched him in the hip. “YOU can’t say anything you grumpy bastard. You were just as twitchy as the rest of us.”

“Like hell I was,” Jeff growled.

Boy squirmed between the two of them, kicking at Toby some more and pinching Jeff in the side. The three finally separated from the mini-dog pile in a flailing of limbs and curses. “I don’t care! I want food and a nap and I want to see my room!” 

“Food then. Mine!” Toby snatched Boy up and sprinted for the kitchen. He could hear Jeff running after them and briefly wondered if he was about to get stabbed in the back. Toby threw his head back and laughed.

Dumping Boy on the large table and hurtling over it himself, Toby felt safer as Jeff skid into the room. ‘Safe’ being a relative term in this house. “I’ll start the waffles! Who wants the eggs? Jeff, get the bacon! Ooo get some of the sausage too, we’ll have a proper english breakfast!”

“Is the sausage english?” Boy wanted to know as he climbed off the table. He didn’t need a footstool anymore to cook, so he could handle the eggs. Better him than Jeff anyways, Jeff wouldn’t make sure to get all the shell pieces out.

“Course it is, how else would it be an english breakfast without an englishman?”

Boy rolled his eyes. “You’re so fucking ridiculous.”

It may have been breakfast for the rest of the house, but for Boy it was a very late meal after a very long day. They could forgive him for nodding off over his plate of greasy food. As Toby had said, the smell of cooking had brought the rest of his brothers along, each one finding some reason to touch him. A pat on the head, a poke in the side, a teasing comment about needing a haircut. It was nice. Surrounded by the familiar sounds, Boy fell right to sleep.

He woke up briefly when someone picked him up, but only long enough to whine a complaint. 

He woke up a second time to screaming.

Boy lifted his head to look at the TV with blurry eyes to see what looked like one of the Hostel movies. A good show. He dropped his head back against Jeff’s shoulder and rubbed his face into it. He was awake now, but too comfortable curled up against the older boy. However someone else noticed the movement and poked him in the forehead until he looked up. 

“Hey, Slenderman wants to talk to you, before dawn gets here.” Masky leaned in close so he could whisper and not disrupt the movie too badly. “About the school and stuff. Want me to take you down?”

Boy smiled as he felt a growl rumble through Jeff’s chest. “Nah, I’ll go in a bit.”

“Sure. Just don’t forget.” Masky reached higher to poke Jeff on the nose and nearly got bit. “Don’t get mad at _me,_ I’m just relaying the message.” 

As Jeff lunged forward to take a swipe at Masky, Boy rolled off the couch and out of the way. The area around his eye was still tender from the earlier punch, he didn’t want two black eyes. And since he was up.. Might as well go see Slender.

Boy purposely crawled over Hoody and BEN and Toby who had been banished to the floor. The couch was only so big and L.J. had very long legs. Liu had segregated himself off to the side in his armchair, close enough to listen to the main group but far enough away to soothe his nerves. 

Ignoring the complaints and the popcorn dumped on his head, Boy climbed up to his feet and trotted off to find Slender Man. He tended to lurk in the basement where it was darkest so that’s where Boy headed, to look for the deepest shadow of staticy despair.

He munched on the popcorn that had gotten trapped in the hood of his sweatshirt. The dusting of chili-powder said Hoody had been involved. At the bottom of the basement stairs, “Slender?” The basement was actually a series of very, very thick walled rooms. It was pitch black and Boy knew better than to try to make a light. 

“..Slender?”

He squeaked when long black tendrils oozed out of the darkness and lifted him up in the air. They felt like cold, oily ropes and held him securely. “Masky said you wanted to talk?”

‘Talk’ wasn’t quite the word for it. It was a very odd, very fuzzy feeling in his brain as Slender picked through his memories of Harry Potter at Hogwarts. Neville got a few seconds of consideration before being put aside. Mainly, Slender seemed to focus on how the other students behaved, how the teachers carried themselves. Not so much the details of the classes or what was required, but what he could glean about the society.

..admittedly, Boy’s knowledge was skewed from being mostly around other kids, but kids were raised to think like their parents, right? So it was probably more insightful than Boy thought it was.

Slender was pleased anyways. Boy could tell and it balled up in his stomach with dread.

“I have to go back, don’t I?”

Of course he did. He hadn’t completed his task yet, or even started it really. It was going to take time to get it right.


	14. Loons and Goons

It wasn’t that Boy didn’t like Laughing Jack- he was just as fond of him as any of his elder brothers, even if they weren’t that close. L.J. was pretty fun to hang around until he got that look in his eyes that said Boy had better find someone else to play with for a bit, before he ended up gutted and stuffed full of candy. Everyone had their quirks.

No, L.J. was fine. Really!

It’s just…

Toby called it the Mating Dance of the Loonies. L.J would start the matter off by sidling up to Jeff and attempt to compliment or offer his help cause he was an idiot. Jeff would respond by snapping and snarling like the bitch he was, and L.J. would persist, and Jeff would get pissed off, until eventually the two would end up brawling like a pair of wolves and then...

Yeah. Not a sight Boy needed to see more than once.

Boy was leaned up with his back against Jeff’s side, sketching while the Killer read. It was a comfortable, quiet morning while it down-poured outside, and Laughing Jack was about to ruin it. Boy glared at the clown over his new sketchbook, eyes narrowing at the slow amble that was not sneaky enough to poke Jeff’s instincts but not so energetic so as to attract his full attention. 

L.J spread his hands out in a ‘what?’ motion, as if he didn’t know that Boy knew exactly what he had in mind. 

Boy pointed his pencil at the eldest proxy warningly. It was Christmas, did he really need to rile everyone up?

L.J. tilted his head to the side, eyes wide with faux innocence.

Boy snorted.

“Sit the fuck down Ell, you two are driving me fucking nuts.” Jeff yanked on a strand of Boy’s hair, making him yelp. “For fucks sake you guys.”

Boy kicked at the clown as he folded himself onto the couch facing them. If there was anything worse than having to listen the pair bicker their way to bed, it was to be between them while the fighting started. “I was relaxing!”

“Is something stopping you?” Laughing Jack chuckled, eyes bright with mischief. His expression fell away hilariously when a coffee cup hit his forehead. Empty of course, Jeff wouldn’t waste a good cup of coffee. 

Jeff returned to his book, a gift from Eyeless on German folklore. Boy attempted to focus on his sketch of the Whomping Willow. Laughing Jack sulked, rubbing at his bruised forehead.

It was an uneasy truce between the tiny boy and not so tiny clown… until L.J. slid to the floor like a zebra striped river. He picked up the now-cracked coffee cup and crawled over to kneel by Jeff’s knees. “More coffee?”

Hearing Jeff start to growl, right on cue, Boy sighed. “I’m out.” He grabbed his box of pencils and climbed over the back of the couch. Boy wasn’t sticking around to watch the madness unfold, better to go see what Eyeless was doing in the basement. The useful area, not where Slender Man lived.

Eyeless took one look at Boy’s face and just started laughing. He didn’t even have to ask. “Come on, you can help me with the cooking. There’s a lot to do.” 

“It’s Christmas!” Boy pouted. 

“Exactly. So come help me with the Christmas Turk. We were going to cover a proper dismemberment this year right?”

Oh. Ok. Boy left his pencils and sketchbook off to the side, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows. “Where do we start?”

“With jointing. Grab the little knife for now, and I’ll start you on the hand.”

“It was nice to just sit for a while and he fucking ruined it.” Boy grumbled, torn between staying grumpy and enjoying the lesson. He picked up the dead Turk’s hand and looked it over. It was always surprising to him how heavy a dead person could be, compared to a live one.

“Hey, be grateful. L has kept Jeff distracted from tearing England apart looking for you. That bond thing you guys have was hard on him. Now focus. I want the finger bones unmarked for a project.”

Boy hadn’t considered that. He had missed Jeff a lot, but Jeff had always been a bit more intense when it came to Boy. Keeping him happy and healthy, always wanting to know exactly where he was, breaking Toby’s arm the time he’d accidentally dropped Boy off the castle roof…

“Ok.” Boy agreed quietly. Eyeless didn’t ask to which. “Where do I start?”

“Here. Cut the meat at the joint but not through it. And then twist. The cartilage should pop without damaging the bone. Bigger joints will need more help, but the fingers should be easy enough for you to do on your own.”

Dinner was going to be delicious. The cavity in the Christmas Turk (Wasn’t it supposed to be a Christmas goose? Though what country that would be he wasn’t sure.) had been stuffed with ground meat and breadcrumbs and herbs before being tucked into the massive oven where it would sit for a few hours.

Boy was pretty proud of himself. He and Eyeless had done a good job and it showed. He did wonder what Eyeless was going to do with all the little bones from the hands and feet.. He had the feeling it was for a gift.

Cool. 

Eyes suddenly stinging, Boy rubbed at them with a stained sleeve. This was stupid, he wasn’t a baby, he was too old to cry just because he was unhappy. He hadn’t even cried at school when he was hundreds of miles away. (Except that one time that he refused to acknowledge.)

“Stop that, you’re getting it all over yourself,” Eyeless scolded. He pulled Boy’s arm away and wiped the bits of meat and blood off with a rag. “Onions get to you?”

“No-o..” he heard his voice crack and now his eyes were flooded with tears. “I don’t.. I don’t wanna go…”

“Aww, come on. It’s not that bad is it? Learning.. things. Kids your own age. Blowing up your schoolwork. Nothing too terrible.” Eyeless dropped an arm around his shoulders, and shook him a bit. “You’re doing work for the Slender Man. Something to be proud of!”

“But it’s so far away!” It was humiliating, and Boy pushed his face against Eyeless’ chest as the tears continued to flow. “No one else has to go away!”

“Hey.” Eyeless pried the small fingers off his shirt and picked Boy up to sit him on the counter between the pie plates and meat grinder. “No one said being a Proxy was easy. You’ve seen all of us do things we don’t want to. Hell, we traveled across the world to get here because Slender wanted to and we still don’t know why. We’re Proxies. We do what we’re told.” 

He used the same towel as before to wipe Boy’s face dry. “You’re home now, you’ll be home in a couple months for Easter, and then you’ll be home all summer. What you’re doing is important, and time will fly by like nothing.”

“But it’s just stories!”

Eyeless flicked his nose, making it sting. “You know better than that. Those stories are our life. Without them, we wouldn’t be here and you would be locked up in some cabinet still.”

Boy dropped his head miserably. This really was the least he could do for his adopted family.. Even if it sucked. “I know.”

“It might be a big job for one little guy like you, but Slender believes in you. Just tell a few tales, maybe make a few changes, and when they start to believe we’ll be able to do so much more. Now. What kind of pie should we make, berries or pumpkin?”

“Pumpkin.”

It was hard to tell what Eyeless was thinking behind his blue mask, but Boy knew the conversation was over. He did feel a little better having gotten it off his chest, but..

Toby, with his usual good timing, came clattering down the basement steps at that moment. “I’m starving! Dinner ready yet? I could eat a small child.” He dug his knuckles into the side of Boy’s head.

Boy jammed a fork into Toby’s side in retaliation. “I’m still mad at you for telling me no one would want to see me when I got home!”

“Hey! Ow! It was just a warning! Dammit, give me that-”

Eyeless sighed as the two fought over possession of the fork.

“Children.”


	15. A House of Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a lil short, sorry about that, but still a good one I think.

When Neville finally found Harry on the train, the boy was curled up and asleep on the bench seat. His head lifted to give Neville a blurry eyed glare before dropping back down. It wasn’t exactly the last compartment, but nearly. Deciding to let the boy sleep, Neville slid the door closed and tiptoed to the other bench to sit down. 

Chewing on his lower lip, Neville watched his friend for a while. In his pocket was a newspaper, tightly rolled up to fit, that he thought Harry needed to see. The articles had not been kind. Not kind at all. And looking at him now, with the wild black curls that fell everywhere and the paleness of Harry’s face against the black school robe..

He looked..

He looked a little too much like Bellatrix Lestrange. It was almost frightening. No, not almost. It was terrifying to think that if the articles could be believed, his best friend was the son of his parents torturers. That this Harry Potter was an imposter.

Neville refused to believe it. Harry was a little manic, a little aggressive, but he wasn’t cruel. Bellatrix was cruel. She was known for her insanity and loyalty to Voldemort, her love of hurting people. Harry didn’t hurt people. 

He didn’t seem to know what to do with people at times, but he didn’t try to hurt them for no reason. 

No, Harry wasn’t related to Bellatrix.

..was he?

Neville didn’t realize Harry was properly awake, sitting up even, until the boy waved a hand in Neville’s face. Jerked out of his thoughts, Neville smiled sheepishly. “Sorry Harry, I was.. I didn’t..” He realized he was waving his own hands around now and tucked them in his pockets. With the paper.

Harry gave him an odd look and rubbed at his eyes with a yawn. For a moment it was just the red one looking at Neville and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

For just a moment Harry really did look like the child of Bellatrix Lestrange and Lord Voldemort.

Not that there were any pictures of the Dark Lord, or not any that could be printed in the paper, but _everyone_ knew he had red eyes. 

Neville squirmed unhappily. 

“You look like someone stabbed your puppy,” Harry noted idly. His head tilted to the side curiously when Neville flinched. Before he could ask what the matter was, Neville pulled out the tightly rolled paper and offered it to Harry to read.

Across the front page were two pictures, one of Bellatrix when she had been sentenced to Azkaban and one of Harry. Obviously it had been taken while at the school, and by the extra-wide grin and wind blowing his hair everywhere, Neville could only guess it was during a Quidditch match. The article underneath screamed “HARRY POTTER- THE BOY WHO LIED!”

The article was pretty bad. Demands of blood tests and trials and at one point even said that allowing the Imposter-Child to stay at Hogwarts would lead them all to ruin as he corrupted today's youth.

Harry read all of it, his expression never anything more than amusement. “They did a blood test my first night at Hogwarts. I’m the child of James and Lily Potter all right. Weird that the Headmaster hasn’t told anyone.”

Neville felt the relief pour down his spine, leaving him as limp as a spaghetti noodle. 

“Oh.. right… that’s good.”

He _knew_ Harry couldn’t be related to the Lestranges.

“I can see the resemblance though. I’ve seen pictures of Lily Potter, I look nothing like her. ‘Cept the eye,” a vague gesture at his face. “James had pretty awful hair though, I guess if I cut mine short it could be just like that.” He tugged on a stray bit of hair that was trying to blind him. “It’s possessed, I fucking swear.”

Personally, Harry thought Bellatrix was prettier. He wouldn’t have minded calling her his mother. Heck, she looked like she could have been Jeff’s mother. Not Liu’s though, Liu must take after their father.

Re-reading a portion of the article, Harry decided to keep that to himself. He lowered the paper enough to see Neville over it, wondering if he should say something about the Gryffindor’s parents. Apologize? Sympathise? As Neville was staring blankly out of the window now, Harry decided to keep his mouth shut. 

“Wanna play poker?”

“What’s Poker?”

Harry grinned. He shoved the newspaper into his backpack to save for later. “It’s a really fun card game! You’ll love it. Have any money on you? Candy?”

By the time Trolley Witched knocked on the door a couple hours later, Harry was ready to beat his head into the floor. He glared at the cards, completely and utterly offended by Neville’s luck. Finally he gave up and tossed his cards in the air, “I quit. This is stupid. NO ONE is that fucking lucky every fucking time.”

Neville grinned, pulling the pile of chocolate coins and Bertie’s Beans closer. “Maybe I’m cheating?”

“You aren’t.”

“How can you tell?”

“Cause I’M cheating!”

Well that just made his win all the better, Neville taking a large bite out of the chocolate frog as Harry hunted down the cards he’d thrown so carelessly. “I didn’t even see anything. How were you cheating?”

“I marked the high cards.”

“Well that was rude. Another round?”

Harry glared at the Gryffindor. “Fuck you.”

Neville laughed. He felt almost giddy, not just with the relief of knowing Harry WAS Harry Potter, but also with the freedom of being away from his nagging Gran and the rest of the family who still couldn’t believe that Neville was a true Wizard. Sometimes it seemed like they all hated him.. But they couldn’t. They were his family. 

Truthfully, if it turned out Harry actually was a Lestrange somehow, Neville wasn’t sure what he’d do once past the panic. His Gran would of course demand Neville stay far away from the boy (she already had in fact thanks to the newspaper) but Harry was just..

Awesome. 

Yeah. 

Harry was awesome. When he had an opinion he let it be known, even if it meant another detention. Even if it meant his grades were near the lowest in the year because he refused to do homework, seeing it as busy work and a waste of time.

Unless it was for Flitwick, because he let Harry work ahead on more interesting things if he did the assignments. Neville hadn’t been given time to be jealous about the special treatment- Harry forced him to read and practice right along with him.

See? Harry was awesome. He wanted Neville to be around. That wasn’t how people usually acted around Neville. Not even his own family.

And now Neville was going to throw Bertie’s Beans at his sulky friend because that’s what Harry would have done. And if they both ended up with a black eye and a busted lip from wrestling around, well that was the price one paid for such a unique friend.


	16. SPLAT!

_“Is that a three headed dog?”_ someone whispered in the quietness.

Harry didn’t have time to answer before he was suddenly moving. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to be dragged off by the back of his neck, though it wasn’t usually Snape doing so. Marched off under the bruising grip, Harry tried to keep up with the man’s long legs and not trip over all the feet of the crowd.

“Of all the irresponsible, reckless moves I have _ever_ seen..!” The students parted before him like the sea and that Moses guy. Since lunch had just ended, it was almost the entire school there to witness the debacle. Including the teachers who quickly snapped out of their own shock and started herding students away and attempted to clean up the mess.

“It wasn’t like I let it out! I didn’t even know it was there!” Harry nearly lost his footing as Snape shook him again. He tried to remind himself that stabbing the professor would be a one-way ticket to getting expelled. He didn’t even want to think of Slender Man’s reaction if Harry got thrown out of school before he managed to even do anything of note.

Snape released him only once they reached the Headmaster’s office. Harry was thrust into a chair in front of the very impressive desk covered in papers and gadgets. Off to the side was one of the prettiest birds Harry had ever seen, all red and gold and sharp talons. The bird stared back, feathered crest raised up in alarm as it twisted it’s head to look at Harry through one eye and then the other.

“Ah, hello Severus. And Harry. What can I do for you?” 

Harry ignored the following discussion (or one-sided rant), as his gaze moved around the room idly. He hadn’t done anything wrong, there were no rules about climbing the walls. A how great was it that the portraits were solidly fixed to the stone walls? Not one had given out from under him as he used them to scale the sides of the Grand Staircase hall.. tower… place. Made for some precarious perches being that the frames were pretty thin but sturdy nonetheless. He couldn’t be in trouble for the dead dog either, he hadn’t asked for it to chase him.

“Have you anything to add Harry?”

“Hmm?” He focused back on the Headmaster. Professor Snape was all but blowing smoke out of his absurdly large nose, but Dumbledore was looking at Harry over his glasses with a very calm, placid expression. 

“Could you explain why you were in the third corridor when it has been expressly banned?”

“It wasn’t banned,” Harry corrected. “You only said that it was forbidden to people who didn’t want to die painfully. What if I did?” There was nothing interesting about the elderly man, so he went back to looking at the walls. There were dozens of painted people watching him right back, some with frowns and some with curiosity. They were much more fascinating and now Harry had a new goal in life - making his drawings move.

“Do you?”

Harry side-eyed the Headmaster. “Well now I can’t say I don’t have a death wish because then it would have been forbidden and I’d be in trouble.”

“Harry.”

Harry rolled his eyes and slouched down into the chair. “No I wasn’t looking to die a horrible death. I wasn’t even going to go in, I was just aiming for the landing not the stupid door. I didn’t even touch it! One moment it was closed and then it was open and then I was trying not to get _eaten._ You should be happier that I wasn’t hurt.”

Harry didn’t like the look Dumbledore was giving him, as if he was certain Harry was telling a lie but forgave him anyways. Harry scowled.

“Perhaps you could write Hagrid a letter of condolence for the tragic death of his pet. He gets very attached to the creatures under his care, and terrible accident or not, you were still the one who led Fluffy to leap off a staircase and fall to his death.”

Dumbledore wasn’t affected by Harry’s glare, expression unchanging as the two stared at each other until Harry dropped his eyes with a reluctant nod.

There was an odd pressure in his head, like someone was trying to poke his brain but his brain refused to yield. Like a water balloon that wouldn't pop. It was one of the strangest sensations Harry had ever felt and that was saying something.

“While you are here Harry, I would like to ask how you are doing. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

Well if he was going to ask.. “Neville wants to know why you haven’t told anyone you already did a blood test, proving that I am a Potter and not a Lestrange. The newspaper articles tend to upset him,” with a little shrug since Harry didn’t care one way or the other. Especially since the Lestranges sounded much more interesting than the Saintly Potters Who Had Never Done Anything Wrong.

At the moment, all the fuss just meant the Gryffindors were more willing to brawl. Between their amusing need to call Harry out for being evil and the Slytherins taking offense to the Gryffindors, Harry had almost managed to start a riot in the Great Hall last week. That had been _hilarious._

It had also proved to Harry that something strange was going on with the House of Snakes. Ever since school had started back up after Christmas they had been acting very, very odd. They were.. Polite. Courteous. Harry would swear he had seen one or two bow to him in the hallways between classes!

“Ah yes. Without the permission of your Guardian.. Or Guardians?” Dumbledore waited a few seconds to see what Harry would say. When he said nothing, Dumbledore continued “I can not release the results of the test.” 

“But you can take them? That’s stupid. You already did the test without permission so I don’t see why you won’t tell people.”

Dumbledore hummed a little. “I asked for the test to be done because it directly affected the school. We needed to know that you were Harry Potter. I’m sure you can understand why that needed to be clarified as you are quite famous after all.. To take that to the newspaper would be a violation of your privacy as a student.”

See? Stupid. Harry rolled his eyes again and slouched lower in the chair. 

Dumbledore waited. And waited some more. Finally he prompted- “Anything else on your mind Harry?” Getting another shrug, Dumbledore decided to take the lead now.

“I would like to talk to you about your detentions. There has been quite a few of them hasn’t there? Can you tell me why you are having a hard time following the rules here?”

“They’re fucking stupid.”

The hissing sound behind him made Harry lean over the arm of the chair to see the Professor he’d almost forgotten. _“Just like his father! Arrogant, spoiled brat!”_

“I’m not arrogant! I’m bored! There’s a million rules on what to do and not do and it’s stupid! There’s no rule about climbing the walls, but I’m STILL in trouble for it and that’s even more fucking stupid!”

Dumbledore sat back and watched them, fingertips pressed together under his chin. Snape was all but spitting fire down on little Harry, and Harry refusing to back down with an iron-willed determination. Where did he learn that? The angrier he got, the more his eye glowed, and yet Dumbledore could not sense any evil. If there was anyone in this world who could sense a growing darkness, Dumbledore knew it was himself.

It was Sprout’s opinion that Harry was a perfectly healthy, active child who loved exotic plants, Quidditch, and art. According to Flitwick, Harry had a great talent for Charms and (when properly motivated) could turn in well-written, well-researched papers. Even McGonagall had admitted that Harry could pull off the work she gave him easily, but she wasn’t willing to set him apart from the rest of his class until he learned to behave. 

No need to ask Snape what he thought, he was currently bellowing it at the top of his lungs that he considered the boy to be the most disrespectful, obnoxious, infuriating…

Dumbledore watched Harry. The boy was small in size, but not in willfulness. He was standing on the seat of the chair and yelling right back at the Professor that most students found to be terrifying. 

He could only guess how the boy had been raised with such a disrespect for authority. Certainly not with the Dursleys, dead as they were. Every time Dumbledore tried to find out where Harry had been, what Harry was going back to, he always ended distracted. It could be hours before he realized he’d forgot to even ask the name of Harry’s Guardian.

It was frustrating. 

He was going to have to continue keeping a close eye on Harry. The boy was obviously dangerous but Dumbledore wasn’t sure how yet. That red eye.. It had to mean something. 

The Headmaster coughed. When that did nothing, he signalled to Fawkes and the Phoenix screeched. Red-faced Severus looked one step away from hexing the poor child, it was time to stop the argument. “Thank you Severus, that will be all for now.” Before the demand of expulsion could be made- “I’m sure Harry will consider your complaints carefully.”

Severus had started yelling first, there would be no need to punish the child for merely defending himself. It had been interesting to see the boy handle himself completely without fear.

“Off you go Harry, I’m sure you have a class to meet up with. I do hope your time here goes a lot more smoothly now that we’ve cleared a few things up.”

Dumbledore smiled kindly at the confused little boy and gestured to the door. He watched Harry jump off the chair and stomp away. He held a finger up when Severus turned toward him- to continue ranting no doubt- but Dumbledore needed a moment to think.


	17. Listing

Ernie and Justin and the rest of the Hufflepuff Homework Club jumped as Harry dropped a pile of textbooks on the table. The librarian hissed from the front of the room but Harry didn’t bother to pay her any attention. The other first years took in the giant stack of books and the huge sheaf of parchment Harry pulled out of his bag..

“Since when do YOU do homework?” His stance on the ‘busy work’ had been made quite clear earlier in the year. As in- Harry refused to do it. 

“Since Sprout said I needed to get it finished and turned in before I even fucking dream of joining the Quidditch team next year.”

The blonde girl, Hannah, picked up the first parchment of the stack, eyes growing wider as she read the list of missed assignments. “There’s dozens here!”

“Yeah, that’s just the first fucking page. It’s somewhere around one-fifty all together. ..I think. With the worksheets.” Harry lifted one shoulder in careless shrug. None of them were very long, six inches or so, so it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. Hopefully. He dropped into an empty chair and pulled free the textbook for Potions class. Get the worst of them over with first. No wait, that would be the Transfiguration set. Bah. Cranky Old Bat..

(Neville had asked once, “wouldn’t Cranky Old Cat make more sense?”

Harry’s reply of “I’d prefer to call her a Cranky Old Bitch, so think of it as a compromise.” had made Neville choke on his pumpkin juice.)

Rather than telling him ‘I told you so’ Justin put aside his own half-finished essay. “Anything you need help with? This isn’t due for another couple of days, so I can sort the list by subject for you if you’d like.”

“Oh. Uhh sure. That would help a lot actually. Thanks.” Harry hadn’t spent much time considering his year mates. He sat in class with them of course, and most meals. Slept in the dorm with them. But he had never really thought about them. Harry preferred to spend time with Neville or off on his own exploring the castle.. 

Hannah mused aloud “if you have similar topics, you could just write one essay and copy it. If it’s for different classes I mean. I don’t think the teachers usually compare homework?”

She flinched as Harry pointed a finger at her, but smiled when he announced- “you’re my new favorite.”

As usual whenever Harry spent time with the other Hufflepuffs, Susan was utterly and completely enthralled by his hair. “You’ll be able to concentrate better without all that hair in your face…” she hinted. Her fingers were twitching as if she already had the curls in hand. She wasn’t put off by Harry’s resigned sigh. In fact Susan was up and out her seat before Harry even finished a reluctant nod. She began to use her fingers to separate the knots and smooth out the tangles for braiding.

See, this was why Harry tended to run off during free time. The Hufflepuffs were just so.. Friendly. And kind. And sweet. They were like hard-working marshmallows and it made Harry want to stab someone.

Ernie shook his head slowly as the stack of books were slowly sorted into smaller piles with slips of paper to keep track of the connected assignments. “I just don’t understand why you insisted on ignoring all this when it was assigned. This is going to take you weeks to finish now. Do you even have enough parchment? Ink?”

“Don’t be mean Ernie, what’s important is that he’s doing it,” Susan scolded from her place behind Harry. She had started a complicated french braid and Harry was going to look so amazing. She even had a ribbon to tie off the end!

A pale yellow ribbon that fluttered behind him as Harry left for his detention some time later. Three hours of reading and writing had made a dent in his work list, but left him with a fucking migraine from hell. Rubbing at his aching eyes, the ribbon went unnoticed and Susan kicked Ernie under the table when he went to point it out.

The stabbing pain behind his eyes meant Harry was in no mood for the stupidity of other students. When he saw a group below him on the main floor, he paused on the staircase and found his lips curling into a silent snarl. Especially when he saw Malfoy’s blonde head between his bookends, the hulking Crabbe and Goyle. The most useless bodyguards ever. 

Oh…

Oh but wait..

This could be perfect. What better way to soothe Harry’s foul mood than to finally put the Slytherin in his place? Whatever it was that kept most of the Snakes off of Harry’s back, Malfoy seemed to have a problem with. He was careful not to say anything to Harry’s face, but he seemed to view Neville as fair game. 

And that just wouldn’t do.

Harry bared his teeth in a parody of a smile, noting that the group had yet to notice his arrival. They had a pale and wide-eyed Neville surrounded with his back against the wall. Harry didn’t know what Malfoy was saying to make his friend look like that and he didn’t care. Before anyone realized what was happening, he had slipped down the rest of the steps to grab Malfoy by the shoulder and spun him around.

The crunch under Harry’s fist was very, very satisfying. As was the gushing of blood from Malfoy’s now-broken nose.

The blonde knocked to the ground, and kept there by a sharp kick to the stomach, Harry turned to the astonished bookends and _grinned._ Bathed in a strange red light, Crabbe grabbed Goyle’s arm and the pair stumbled backwards almost tripping over their own feet. 

_“Get the fuck out of my sight,”_ Harry hissed. 

Malfoy was abandoned to his fate without further delay. Harry glared down at the Slytherin but the boy was currently wheezing for air and would be there for a while. Looking up at Neville and catching a flinch, “you ok Nev?”

“Y-yeah. Um.. your eye.. Is um…”

Oh for fuck’s sake. Harry rubbed at his red eye, trying to make the glow go away. He really needed to find an on-off switch for the stupid thing. The much fainter glow that happened in the dark was fine, but his head shouldn’t be a fucking searchlight.

“Sorry. What are you doing all the way down here? I thought you had astronomy tonight?” Harry was going to be late for his detention, but that was alright. What was Quirrell going to do, give him _another _detention? Harry was booked till the end of the year as it was, unless Sprout actually managed to get him off the hook for doing his homework.__

____

____

“I was looking for you. You wanted to read the Beedle Bard stories and Gran finally sent it…” Neville trailed off, looking down at Malfoy. The blonde was struggling to his feet, hand clamped over his broken nose. 

Harry promptly tripped him. 

_“Sit.”_

Malfoy garbled something out, but stayed put as Harry glared at him. 

“Harry?” 

“Hmm?” 

Neville opened his mouth once or twice before sighing. He reached into his satchel to pull out a shabby, leather bound book. “Here. It’s not anything special so you can keep this copy. See you at breakfast?” 

Harry did a quick scan through the book happily. “This is great, thanks! And yeah, see you in the morning. Have fun with the star charting. Look out for bats!”

Neville glanced down one last time at the cowering Malfoy, hesitated again, but turned and marched himself up the stairs. He didn’t want to know what Harry was going to do. 

Whatever it was, Malfoy deserved it. Mostly.

Harry waited a few moments, then crouched down to look Malfoy in the face. The blonde was in turns humiliated and angry and scared and it was amusing to watch the expressions flicker across his face one after another.

“I’m not allowed to kill you. Not yet. But there are a lot of things I can do to you that won’t kill you. Wanna know what they are?” 

Malfoy shook his head side to side frantically. 

“Then I guess you need to leave Neville alone. Touch him, talk to him, _look_ at him, and I will dig out your eyes with my fingernails.” Harry reached out to touch Malfoy’s face, the blonde’s head jerking backwards to meet the hard wall with a pained yelp. Harry just continued to lean forward and dragged his fingertips over Malfoy’s quivering chin. 

Sticking the bloodied fingers in his mouth, Harry stood up and commenced to forget all about Malfoy. Why should Harry waste time thinking about him? Not like he was anything special. 

. . . Quirrell was watching him from the hallway that lead down into the dungeons. 


	18. Spring has been canceled

“It’s not healthy,” Hermione insisted. 

Neville shrugged. It was a move learned from Harry, but sometimes it really was the best answer.

Speaking of Harry; he was out romping in the surprise spring snowfall like a demented Krupp puppy. A lot of students were actually, making snowmen and forts and hosting snowball fights. All the stuff they had missed out on when going home for Christmas.

The Badgers were winning because, unsurprisingly, Harry was very good at the last one. Suddenly everyone wanted Harry on their team but Harry’s bizarrely fanatical sense of loyalty kept him to the Badger’s side of things. 

(Didn’t hurt that the Badgers had been raised a little in his esteem, they actually DID have backbones under all that yellow he’d discovered. Just took a lot to get through that Zen mindset.) 

The Gryffindors had the bigger numbers but.. well.. Really, Harry was a team all on his own. Somehow managing to vanish while wearing a black robe against white snow, Neville decided Harry must be tunneling under it. He was almost small enough..

He made a mental note to tell that to Harry, his reaction should be amusing. 

“Neville, I’m serious! You don’t spend any time with the rest of us unless it’s in class. He’s monopolized all your time and attention. You should be allowed to make other friends, not just him!”

Neville sighed, returning his attention to Hermione. ‘You’re looking at this the wrong way Hermione. He’s not keeping me away from you guys, you are. When I’m with you or Ron or Dean or whoever, I know you all believe I’m not the smartest or the most magical. It’s made very clear. When I’m with Harry I don’t even think about it. I’m just Neville.”

“Ron is only teasing-”

“Making the same jokes every single day wears thin Hermione. After a while, it feels like that’s how he actually thinks.”

“Your grades though, how on earth could Harry be helping you? He barely does anything but the most basic of homework, he never studies, he’s always talking back..!” 

Hermione could not fathom how someone could care so little about their future. This was all the schooling they would get as witches and wizards. How could Harry not take advantage of this time?

“His grades are his own business,” Neville rebuked. “Just as mine are none of yours. Harry hates schoolwork, sure, but unlike Ron he doesn’t complain when I make time for it. YOU may think he doesn’t study, but he gets along just fine in class. And he can’t help that McGonagall hates him.”

“McGonagall doesn’t hate him.”

Neville raised an eyebrow. She may not have hated Harry, but she definitely didn’t like him. At all. Her lips always went super thin and white when she looked at him.

“...he doesn’t treat her with respect.”

Neville shrugged again. “Are you done telling me how horrible Harry is? I was going to go join the snowball fight.”

Hermione looked outside, the giant doors to the castle thrown wide open and giving them a great view of the chaos. She grimaced. “He’s just so… mean.”

Neville rolled his eyes. “Go back to the Library if it bothers you that much. I’m going to go play.” Already half the players were corralled off to the side, “dead” from being hit with a snowball. If Neville wanted to join he would have to hurry.

...and yet he should have known what was going to happen the moment he stepped outside. On the good side, Hermione was too far away to say ‘I told you so’. The snow in his ears would have muffled it anyways. 

Neville’s face planted deep into the snow, Harry cackled from his perch on Neville’s back. “You lose! Go to the penalty box!” The boy scampered off without waiting to help Neville up, already firing off another snowball. 

Well.

This just gave Neville time to plot. 

Soaked and shivering, students of all shapes and sizes staggered into the castle as it got dark. Some kind soul in charge had filled the Great Hall tables with bowls of soup and hot cocoa. Older students were using drying spells, and if asked politely, they dried off the younger ones too before sitting down for dinner. 

Neville smiled at Cedric gratefully, touching his nose carefully to make sure it was still there. Harry, who had ditched his cloak ages ago for better maneuverability, was practically blue head to toe and Neville could hear his teeth chattering from a yard away.

Cedric shook his head and dried him off too, indulgently setting a warming charm on the pair before moving to the next Firstie silly enough to spend hours out in the snow. 

“Which detention do you have tonight?”

“Mmmf?” Harry swallowed the chunk of bread he’d dunked into the soup. “None. Weird isn’t it? Quirrell said I didn’t have to go anymore. Well, to his anyways. He says I’m obviously not learning anything from them, so I might as well put my time to other uses.”

"He had to wait till almost April to decide that?" Roger shook his head. What a waste of all that time.

The really weird part was that Quirrell hadn’t stuttered even once when saying this. And it had been right after witnessing Harry’s.. discussion with Malfoy. Just when Harry thought he had the Professor figured out the guy had to throw him a curve ball. 

The man was constantly watching him in class too. More than usual.

Filled to the brim with hot food after a long day of activity, Harry surprised himself with a yawn. “I might actually sleep tonight. Whoo.”

“It’s not even midnight. Feeling ok there Harry?” Hannah giggled, sitting across the table. 

“Tell me about it. You know how often I wake up in the middle of the night to find him still up?” Ernie grumped from next to her. To Harry- “You need an eyepatch. That uhh.. Glow thing is..” He looked to Justin for help.

“...distracting?” 

Ernie nodded. “Distracting. Yes. You never remember to close your curtains!”

Harry wrinkled his nose. “They smell weird.”

“And THEN,” Ernie continued right over him to Hannah, “he has this bright idea of telling stories before bed. If there is anything I do not need to hear before sleeping, it’s the tale of the Hairy Heart.” He shuddered. 

Hannah patted his shoulder sympathetically.

Harry pouted.

“Sounds more fun than what we do in the Gryffindor tower,” Neville noted. At the curious looks he got from around the group- “well.. Ron complains about Malfoy. About homework. About his brothers. About how none of us can play a good game of chess. Dean and Seamus tune him out and read usually. Or everyone complains about Harry.”

“Me? What’s there to complain about me?”

Their part of the table got really, really quiet. The longer the silence went on, the more offended Harry looked. He settled in for a good sulk. Some sorta-friends he had!

“..we girls do tend to gossip about things that happened during the day. Susan is teaching me how to do a Fishtail Braid. Remember that one Harry? Your hair looked so pretty!”

Harry’s hand twitched, and Neville had the suspicion of an aborted and very rude gesture. “The ribbon had been a very nice touch,” while watching Harry from the corner of his eye.

Yup, definitely a rude gesture that was left unfinished. This was one of Neville’s favorite hobbies these days, watching Harry interact with other people when he was trying to be nicer and more polite. It didn’t always work, so it was always amusing to watch him make the attempt. Neville was getting very good at catching when Harry switched what he wanted to say to what he should say.

“Just you wait, I have a bunch of American horror stories to tell you when I figure out how to wizard-ize them,” the smallest Badger grumbled. “They’ll make the Hairy Heart a story for kids!”

“We are kids…?” Hannah wondered at the same time Ernie laughed. “How scary can a _Muggle_ story be?”

“You’ve obviously never heard the story of Hansel and Gretel,” Justin answered dryly. As another Muggleborn, he knew exactly how scary the stories could be. “They shove a Witch into her oven and eat her.” 

Harry forgot his pout and added far, far too cheerfully- “or the Witch in Snow White. They make her dance in red hot iron shoes at the wedding!” He grinned at the appalled expressions on the magic-raised children. “Muggle stories can be pretty good, promise.”

He’d work up to the American stories later, Harry knew by heart all the Grimm’s fairy tales in the original German. This was going to be so much fun!

“NOT,” Ernie put his foot down emphatically, “right before bed!”


	19. Examinations

Neville glanced over at Harry enviously. The dark-haired boy was asleep with his head on his folded arms, having scribbled down a few crooked sentences on his parchment. 

Neville had never wanted to kick someone so badly. It was an odd feeling to say the least.

Chewing on the end of his quill, Neville looked around the room curiously. Hermione was a few desks away towards the front and was frantically writing as if her life depended on it. Or her final grade.

Ron, to Neville’s left, was counting on his fingers with a frown. Obviously he was on question nine- how many times did the Goblins revolt during the years 1760 through 1770? 

(The answer was pretty bizarre, a full 17 times in ten years.)

Himself, he was stuck on question 13- was it Ulgoth the Unclean who started the Goblin Rebellion of 1534, or Ulgath the Impure? Did.. did it really matter? Was there someone out there who actually cared about this? What a scary thought.

And that’s why Neville wanted to kick Harry in the shins, for either knowing all the answers off the top of his head or for not caring enough to finish the exam. Having just finished his Transfiguration exams, Neville would have loved to take a nap. 

Lunch was next, oh what a happy thought.

He knew Harry would have freely shared his answers but there was two problems with that. One, Neville’s pride wouldn’t allow him to cheat. Two, Harry was sitting on the other side of the room with the other Hufflepuffs. Of all times for Professor Binns to get picky about the seating arrangements..

Neville’s head ached when they were finally let out of class. No spells to review here thankfully, just a good long, restful, peaceful lunch ahead. And the chance to kick Harry.

“Ow!”

“Serves you right,” Neville muttered mutinously as Harry rubbed his leg, eyes wide and astonished.

“What the fuck did I do? I was sleeping!”

“Exactly!”

Hannah wiggled her way in between the two before they could start bickering, and soon they were enveloped in the Hufflepuff crowd. Being much more accepting of Harry’s shenanigans by now than the Gryffindors were, Neville spent more time at their table then the reverse. 

McGonagall had made a few comments but she hadn’t actually demanded he sit back at the Gryffindor table yet soooo… Neville ignored her.

Ernie smiled tiredly. “I’ve been wanting to kick him all day myself. I can’t believe you’ve been sleeping through all the exams! Won’t your guardians care if you flunk?”

Harry waggled a hand in the air. 

“We have Defence Against the Dark Arts after lunch..” Hannah hummed as she looked over the schedule for the sixth time. “That should be easy.”

“Won’ be ‘air,” Harry mumbled around a mouthful of ham sandwich. 

It took a moment for the sentence to sink in. 

“You’re SKIPPING the Defence exam?” Hannah was horrified. Ernie was appalled. Neville waited for the excuse, both eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. Sleeping was one thing but skipping was another one altogether.

Harry took his time in chewing and swallowing and maliciously ignoring their impatience. “I get to skip ‘cause I’ll be doing my own exam later. Like with Flitwick tomorrow since I’m so far ahead in things.”

In spite of the special treatment, this made Neville feel better. Flitwick wouldn’t make things easy for Harry, oh no. Finally Harry would get to deal with a difficult, attention-demanding test just like the rest of them. Two of them! No more napping!

Hannah and Justin were startled by Neville’s laughter, but Ernie smirked in understanding.

“Oh go to hell, the both of you,” Harry poked a finger deep into Neville’s side. “At least I’ll be having some fucking fun.”

Which, all the way up to the end, was pretty true. Harry got to meet an old friend in the Devil’s Snare, though Quirrell had yelled at him for taking so long. He could have dealt without the flying bit because while it was kind of fun stalking the keys and all, and he really did have to get used to a broom if he wanted to play as a Beater on the team, he wanted to hit things, not chase them.

He’d had some trouble playing the chess challenge, only the imagined disappointment of BEN kept Harry from trying to blast the pieces to bits. Speaking of a blast, the troll was fun. No wand, just some good old fashioned stabbing.

The potion riddle had Harry stumped for ages. Quirrel stopped him from giving up and tasting the potions, saying he got a pass because this was meant for an older student. 

Lastly.. The mirror. There was a grand prize trapped inside and if Harry managed to get it free he’d have the highest grade in the year. Stupid Quirrell. Harry wasn’t playing for grades, he was playing for his own amusement and the challenge of it all. 

Though.. Harry wasn’t expecting to be utterly entranced by the Mirror of Erised. Breath caught in his throat, he could barely tear his eyes away from the glass, reaching out to touch the slick surface. Under his finger the glass cracked, quickly spreading across the mirror in a diagonal line. Harry turned his head to ask Quirrel if that was what the mirror was _supposed to be doing_ , just in time to get backhanded in the face.

“Stupid child!” Quirrell sneered down at shocked boy now on the floor, then stepped over him to peer into the cracked mirror. “If you’ve ruined my plans..” the Professor snarled.

Forcing himself to sit up, Harry could just barely see over the bottom of the mirror-frame, seeing his own two-colored eyes and wild hair. And behind him... 

The dark rolling shadows were still there, and they were starting to leak out. Oily black tendrils creeped out over the edge of the frame and towards the floor without Quirrell noticing. 

Harry had almost started to feel a little bad about failing the final task, the previous riddles and challenges had been pretty fun, but Jesus fucking Christ his face hurt.

One little mistake and this was how Quirrell was going to reward him? Obviously he hadn’t been hugged enough as a child to not understand family trumped over a stupid prize any day. Screw the professor, he deserved whatever happened next.

Because when you look for Slender Man, Slender Man looks for you.

Harry scrambled backwards as the mirror cracked again, the second break crossing the first to make an enormous X across the glass. Quirrell swore, taking a few steps back himself as smaller cracks branched off and eventually connected into a large O over the middle of the X. 

“What did you DO?!” 

Harry disregarded the furious roar, instead taking the moment to cover his face with his arms and curl up on the floor. It was a good move since a few seconds later the mirror shattered into a thousand pieces and peppered the shrieking Quirrel with glass fragments. 

Harry peeked out between his arms when the tink tink tinks of glass hitting the stone floor stopped. Moving carefully to shake off the bits in his hair and clothes, Harry climbed up to his feet and grinned at the tall Eldritch God of fear and insanity. Slender Man stood in front of the ruined mirror in a haze of tentacles and crackling sounds. One such tentacle held Quirrel up off the floor by his throat, leaving the poor man to gasp for air and claw at the oily black appendage.

Harry could sympathise with the Professor. One papercut hurt like a bitch, and Quirrell had dozens all over his face and hands since he’d been stupid enough to keep staring at the mirror as it fell apart.

More tentacles drifted towards Harry, wrapping around his waist to lift him in the air too, bringing him up to head level of Slender. 

“Hi!”

Harry got the idea, in a flood of static and grey spots, that he was as good as Toby at getting himself into trouble. Harry pouted at the blank face.

Boy and Eldritch Horror turned to look at Quirrell when the man croaked out a few words. Blood was leaking out of his eyes and nose now, adding to the tiny pin pricks everywhere else. Underneath the groans falling from Quirrell’s mouth, there was a whole other set of sounds. Harry watched curiously as Slender turned the man around, turban plucked from the Professor’s head like a leaf. 

“. . .whoa.”

The pale, nose-less face that had been hiding under the wrap glared back with bright, ruby red eyes. The second face was so was spitting mad Harry could barely understand what he was saying among the hissing and snarling.

Harry’s head tilted a bit to the side. He would almost swear the flattened face looked familiar.


	20. A Belligerent of Badgers

Neville hadn’t been worried.

There were some days when Harry just could not face the rising sun, and it was better for everyone in the running group if he slept another hour or so. Those days usually meant Harry skipped breakfast too, so Neville tucked some apples into his satchel and thought nothing more of it. 

Neville hadn’t even considered worrying, what could go wrong under the supervision of a professor, even one like Quirrell?

So.

With that in mind.

_“Quirrel tried to murder Harry?”_

Hannah nodded her head so quickly her blonde pigtails flapped around. “Professor Sprout said that Harry’s alright, he’s in the hands of Madame Pomfrey, and we can go visit him soon but to let him rest for now.”

“WHY did Quirrell try to murder Harry?!”

Neville suddenly realized how loud he’d gotten when the class went dead silent except for the droning of Professor Binns. Hannah looked around at all the eyes fixed on her and Neville and gulped. 

“He was trying to steal an artifact from Headmaster Dumbledore and was using Harry to get through the safeguards. Except one of them went wrong and killed the Professor instead. So.. uh.. That’s what Professor Sprout said this morning..”

“Who would steal from Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of our time?” was Hermione’s horrified question.

Neville didn’t have to answer, Ernie did and he looked decidedly annoyed. “Quirrel would. She _just_ told you. And now our friend is in the hospital wing healing from whatever the bastard did to him!”

“Probably was in on it from the beginning,” was Ron’s theory.

The reactions were.. Interesting. 

Binns jolted upright, staring at his suddenly fighting students in shock. “Order. Order.” Even his shout was monotone, no one paid him a bit of attention. He was forced to leave to look for another teacher.

Hannah had burst into tears, followed by Susan but only after Susan had slapped Ron in the face so hard a bright red handprint stamped his cheek. 

Seamus tried to defend Ron, because Harry was just so weird it wasn't that bad of a theory, and that in turn sparked Neville to jump ship and defend his best friend.

Lavender then hexed Hannah for slapping Ron, and in turn Roger, while it was frowned upon to strike a girl, had not been not afraid to hex Lavender. 

By the time Flitwick scurried through the door, the Hufflepuffs were screaming at the Gryffindors and the Gryffindors were screaming back, jinxes and hexes were flying freely in a storm of jelly-legs and boils and burns. 

“WHAT IN MERLIN’S NAME IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

For such a small teacher, he had the bellow of a giant. The students froze. 

“EVERYONE SIT DOWN!”

It wasn’t the first time for an entire class to be sentenced to detention.. But certainly a first for it to be Hufflepuffs. 

Harry was so mad he missed the entire event. The Badgers had actually fought back, and he’d _missed it?_ His hands slapped at the blankets of his hospital bed irritably. 

Goddamn it all to fucking hell.

“But WHY was everyone fighting? I’m on friendly terms with them, but why would they jump to my defence like that? Why now?”

“Well.. you’re a Hufflepuff. It’s like that for every house you know. Mostly. Messing with one means messing with the whole house. And they like you, is that hard to believe? You were attacked by a supposed authority figure and almost killed and Ron was making fun of it..”

Neville tucked his hands into his robe pockets, looking at Harry from the corners of his eyes. Harry looked...ok. The scar that dragged over his eye and down his cheek was a little red and puffy looking, but he looked otherwise unharmed. How did Harry always manage to cause so much trouble and fuss and yet look relatively untouched?

Alright, so he hadn't caused this particular trouble, Harry hadn't asked Quirrel to rob Dumbledore.

Honestly, Harry just looked bored of the whole matter when Neville had asked about what happened yesterday.

And then confused as if people coming to his defense was not normal..? 

“They don’t like me, they tolerate me. I know exactly what the other kids say, I’m weird and mean and a liar." Harry scoffed, giving a toss of his head at the same time. Someone really needed to bring him a hairbrush, his hair was even more out of control than usual. 

“I don’t say that. And Hannah and Justin and Susan don’t say that,” Neville pointed out quietly. It was sad to see Harry so bewildered over the matter. 

“..not to our faces..” Harry muttered, eyes dropping to his fingers as they twisted around each other. Knowing they liked him made him feel weird. Not a good weird, a nauseous weird. Like when he’d accidentally grown attached to the chickens Masky kept in the back yard, knowing full well they were to be eaten. 

Slender Man didn't care to do a wholesale slaughter of innocent children, especially ones who didn't believe in the myths, but if he had wanted to... it made Harry feel queasy. Which was stupid. They were just kids. They'd be tender and delicious and it would be fun to flood the halls with blood. But maybe not _every_ one...?

“You’ve been trying to make friends with them for months…?” Neville’s voice lifted at the end to turn it into a question.

“I didn’t want them to keep thinking I was going to murder them in their sleep. It was annoying.”

“Oh.”

Not much to say to that really. Nobody had expected the Harry Potter that had arrived. He was supposed to be a Golden Hero, kind and brave and true. This Harry, the real Harry, had made everyone uneasy. 

“Well. They like you. So you’ll just have to suffer.” Neville decided a good rolling of the eyes was needed right now. Honestly. It was like Harry didn’t even want friends. “Will they let you out soon?”

“Yeah. I could be out already, but the sleep was really, really nice. I can’t wait to go home where I can sleep in all I want.” Sort of. Within reason. He had to be out of bed by midnight.

“Oh! That reminds me!” Neville grabbed the change of subject with both metaphorical hands. “I want to ask my Gran if you can visit over the summer. I know she won’t let me visit you unless she can meet your whole family first and see the grounds and the wards.” 

Harry considered the idea. All his brothers. Neville. Slender. “I don’t think that will be possible.. but I should be able to visit. Maybe. How would I even get to you?”

Neville hadn’t considered that. Harry lived with Muggles and wouldn't have a Floo or someone to apparate. “Uhmm.. maybe we can just meet up in Diagon Alley. We'll have to get school supplies at some point so we can try to do it on the same day.”

Harry grimaced. “Diagon Alley was awful. People kept throwing me an’ Liu out cause they thought he was a werewolf. He has scars on his face and people were just so fucking rude when we were trying to shop.” 

“Nobody would dare to be rude to my Gran. She’s Lady Longbottom and people respect that.” Wait.. that wasn’t as comforting as he meant it to be. 

“I’ll just have to convince them to let me go on my own. It’s just shopping. With crowds. Of people.”

Neville had to take a moment and appreciate Harry’s willingness to do something he so obviously hated just to see Neville over the summer. He couldn’t help but smile because other kids aside, Harry wanted to be friends with HIM.

“Yeah yeah. Shut the fuck up. I’m not saying I’ll _miss_ you or anything.” 

Neville’s grin got wider and Harry tried to kick him, muffled as it was with all the blankets.

“You fucking suck.”

“I’ll miss you too, Harry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUZZAH! I kind of feel bad ending it here but not too much, lol. I am working on a part two to follow Harry through a second year at Hogwarts, though it's going a lot slower as I try to not accidentally skip things like I did in the first year. I actually made a timeline for myself! I'm going to go ahead and put up the first chapter for you all (if you want to keep reading that is, no pressure!), I think I have enough chapters to stay ahead of my usual Friday updates :D
> 
> Other than that.. if you have questions I will try to answer them (in various levels of detail depending on if it comes up in a future chapter or not) and I hope you all had as much fun reading this as I did writing it <3

**Author's Note:**

> \-----------------------
> 
> Whoo boy. Way outside my usual stuff but.. I'm having a lot of fun! Fridays for updates (though it'll prob Thursday evenings) and I'm hoping if I keep far enough in advance I won't have to go back and tweak details very often. Fingers crossed!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy my weird little story :D


End file.
